Moving abroad is a chance to build a new life. You聽get to learn a new language, meet new people, and adjust to a new culture.聽But聽with all the聽"new"聽around, some聽expats聽can't聽help but cling to the聽"old".聽For聽some, relocation makes them understand and appreciate the value of their home cultures in a way they never did before.
Reconnecting with home
Imagine arriving in China. You聽will wake up to the sound of a temple bell at dawn. As聽you walk through the nearby park, you will see people doing tai chi and playing mahjong on wooden tables. In聽the afternoon, you stroll through the busy streets and colorful markets and then come home to the smell of dumplings steaming in the kitchen. To聽some, this may sound like an experience we cannot wait to have. To聽Emily, this was yet another day in her hometown of Chengdu.聽
"In my last year of high school, I聽couldn't聽wait to leave home. I聽was accepted聽to a US university, and I was so excited. And聽my first year abroad was so interesting,鈥澛燛mily recalls.聽"But then I flew back home for Chinese New Year, and after I聽came back, I started to feel聽a bit lost.聽I聽realized I missed things about home, mostly basic things like food and festivals. American聽Chinese food is quite different from the Chinese food I am used to. And聽holiday celebrations here are more low-key compared to the festivals we have in China.聽I聽really聽wanted to be part of this new culture I was in, but I聽just聽couldn't聽see myself in it.聽I聽ended up finding a community of Chinese students on campus, and we got together for potluck dinners and holidays".
So why did Emily only start appreciating the small things about her home聽only聽when she left? And聽is this common?聽
Home as an invisible blanket
When we are home, everyday comforts and minor cultural nuances are like an invisible blanket. We聽feel their warmth 鈥� but we may not聽really聽see or acknowledge them. You聽may have your go-to coffee spot, your favorite hangout bar, or that one holiday your family always asks you to spend together. They聽are there to frame your life 鈥� but they are also so far back in the background that you may not be aware of how much they mean to you.
Once abroad, nostalgia may set in. With聽it, all the things you used to take for granted turn into cherished memories. You聽may start missing the food that seemed ordinary back home or pay more attention to holidays that remind you of your country. The聽pull may be聽just聽powerful enough for you to start seeking these bits and pieces of your homeland in your new destination.
Paul relocated to Shanghai from Germany back in 2014, and his experience is similar to聽Emily's.聽"I聽wasn't聽really聽patriotic when I lived in Germany.聽I聽didn't聽like聽the weather, and prices seemed too high鈥β燬o when I got a chance to move, I did. And聽this is when I fell in love with Germany.聽It's聽funny, really. I聽don't聽plan to go back anytime soon, but I now have more German friends than I did back in Germany. I聽know the address and the owner of every beer garden in Shanghai, and I get into bar debates defending German politics. Sometimes, I聽can't聽believe聽it's聽me."
New is overwhelming
When you are in a foreign country, everything around you is new. It聽is exciting 鈥� but it can also get overwhelming. The聽language, food, and social norms are different.聽This聽will open you up to new opinions and ways of life 鈥� but it may also provoke a deeper appreciation for your roots.
And when you start searching for the familiar, you may seek out communities from your home country. You聽may do this through expat clubs, social media groups, or local meet-ups. These聽interactions are slivers of home and can help you regain a sense of belonging.聽
A search for identity
Sometimes, moving to a new country is like stepping into a new self. This聽very feeling got a whole episode on the popular TV series聽"How I Met Your Mother".聽Titled聽"Dual Citizenship",聽the episode focuses on the dilemma one of the characters faces when she needs to decide between her聽"old"聽Canadian citizenship and the聽"new"聽American one. In聽a moment of frustration, she says:聽"When I moved to the States, I swore to myself I聽wasn't聽going to change. And聽yet, here I am, in the most Canadian place in the universe鈥擳im聽Horton's- around the corner from the Hockey Hall of Fame, and I聽don't聽belong.聽It's聽like I聽don't聽have a country."
A lot of聽expats聽would relate to her pain. Moving聽abroad and living in a foreign country for a long time changes you on a profound level. You聽are no longer who you once were 鈥� but you are also often unwilling to fully let go of your old self.聽This聽puts you in mental聽purgatory, where you聽are constantly torn聽between who you are in your new country and who you were back home.
Keeping your roots is getting聽easier
We live in a time when staying connected despite the distance is easier than ever. Traveling聽and relocating 50 years ago was a completely different story than it is now.
Today, we get to video call friends and family from anywhere we are. We聽can exchange photos and videos in real-time and upload terabytes of media to the cloud to make friends and family watch them over a holiday dinner.聽
In most countries, you can now buy products from almost anywhere in the world.聽This聽means you can walk down to the store and get that very same chocolate you loved as a kid back home and pick up the ingredients for a dish your grandmother used to make.
You can also connect with and meet people from your home country wherever you are. There聽are countless expat groups and chats that bring fellow citizens together.聽
Expats from previous generations did not have any of these luxuries. For聽them, keeping that connection with home was sometimes not even an option.聽
Not all聽expats聽feel this聽way
While there are a lot of expats who do admit to having developed a deeper connection to home after moving abroad, some have quite the opposite experience.聽
Yulia moved from Belarus to San Diego and then to Hawaii. In聽her experience,聽home stays聽a loved but somewhat distant place:聽"I've聽never聽seeked聽connection specifically with people聽and/or聽places related to my home country.聽In聽fact,聽if, for some reason,聽I'm聽speaking my home language in public,聽I'm聽generally more prone to switch to English if I hear someone else speak it nearby.聽I've聽never had a particular interest in home cuisine-inspired restaurants, bars, clothing stores, etc. Having聽that said, I sometimes listen to music/watch movies at home that I grew up watching and cook a few of my favorite dishes from my home cuisine. My聽husband is not a big fan of them, and聽I'm聽okay with that - more for myself."
Some expats also find that their interest in their new destination overpowers both homesickness and nostalgia, making them feel appreciative of the experiences they get to live.
Inga, a former expat in Dalian, China, explains:聽"I spent聽5聽years in China, and I think I was pretty realistic about the new聽country's聽pros and cons for me as well as the benefits of my home country.聽There聽were聽indeed聽times when I was a bit more eager to represent my culture and聽my聽traditions or was complaining about something, saying: Oh, back home, it is so much better!聽But聽overall, I was accepting new rules of the game, trying to enjoy the new culture and experiences, and聽at the same time聽appreciating the things I loved about my home country."
What can we learn from this?
Living abroad often makes expats appreciate their home country more.聽It's聽a mix of longing for lost everyday comforts, searching for a new identity, and trying to find the familiar amidst the majorly unknown.
With that, some find a way to fully embrace their new world and keep聽"home"聽handy in their back pockets for rainy days.聽Balancing聽new and familiar聽seems to be聽the unique reality of living abroad.聽
