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Pretty in pink wrote:

Hi, I really hope that I can get some kind of Advice here.

I've been seeing a guy from Algeria we met on holiday last year. We only started off as friends now it's love. We want to get married but he wants everything his way. He wants to study in France and marry me there. But for him to go to France he needs to pay fees £6000 he asked if I could maybe help him pay half.....I am a nurse and have 3 children to support its to hard to raise that kind of money. I told him that I couldn't get that kind of money, he said that in don't care and I don't want to help him! I couldn't believe it, I then booked a holiday to meet him in Tunis to see him and show him that ok I don't have the money but I am serious about being with him. And I suggested we married in Tunisia he said NO. He didn't really give a reason it was just No and he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I've spoke with his mum and sisters on the phone so they know about me.... But he wants to study and marry me in France I'm so confused. If he loved me he marry me right!!!!

To be brutally honest, after reading your post, He is just using you to get into France. He wants it all his way. Do not waste anymore time or money on him.

Pretty in pink wrote:

Thankyou everyone.

I do feel so hurt. Especially he's still talking to me now while Ramadan is on lol
Maybe his parents are in on it to. I just don't know but I won't give nothing as I could give him the money and that's it......I don't see him again lol makes sense really as if had nothing to hide we would marry where ever but it's all about France!!!! What happens after France lol I'm British and won't move my children. Thankyou all for just giving me that extra kick. I'd real know now than later while he swans off in France lol

Parents? The entire family is usually in on it! Don't believe me? Go ahead and tell them it's over, and that you're disgusted with him and his attitude, and don't want anything to do with him any more. Watch what happens next! True colours will be revealed in no time! All that 'love' they had for you, will instantly disappear, and quickly be replaced with their true feelings. Been there, done that. In some cases they may try to convince you, in a bid to keep you in, and if that doesn't work, lets just say nothing good will come out of their mouth next.

No need to feel hurt. You haven't lost anything. If you compare your story to others who got married, only for it to have been for immigration purposes as well as money, and thus duped, you will feel you have been saved from inevitable disaster that was bound to take place!

It's not your responsibility to pay for his studies and take him to France. Let him go and find someone else willing to be his sponsor! You're better than that, and have more important things to worry about, than his self-interests.

James wrote:

Hello Pretty in pink,

All of the other posters are absolutely correct, so I won't expand on what they've said about it not being love for him.

My friends El.Jost and XB23 are probably right, he could very well already be married in Algeria. Having spoken to his mother and sister on the phone means very little. They could well be in on his nasty little secret and see you as a future potential source of income if he can trick you into bringing him to France.

His interest in your children is about as real as his so-called "love" for you too, it's all part of the act. Both would vanish quicker than a snowflake in the hot Algerian sun the moment he gets his visa, I can assure you. The fact is that no Algerian man, and I presume Muslim at that, would consider marriage to a woman who already has children. Just out of curiosity are you older than he is? That would be the third strike if we were comparing the relationship to baseball.

Turn and run, don't look back...   and be happy you did.

Cheers,
James    Expat-blog Experts Team

I'm Muslim, and North African (although not Algerian). My advice is based on the fact we share similar cultures, and needless to say Religion. I know exactly what happens in these countries in that region. Some of my own family members do it too, and in fact regularly ask me to find anyone, and I literally mean anyone, for them to get "married" too until they obtain the British Passport! And some are married mind you! They are simply looking for a bridge. And they want me to play my part. No chance. As I don't believe in temporary marriages/marriages of convenience. They seem to think it's acceptable to lie to achieve this goal, even more so if the woman is non-Muslim. I personally know quite a number of North Africans who originally came to this country via a spouse visa, and have since remarried to a woman from their own culture, after obtaining their citizenship. Some actually brought their original wife over, to add insult to injury.

XB23 wrote:

I'm Muslim, and North African (although not Algerian). My advice is based on the fact we share similar cultures, and needless to say Religion. I know exactly what happens in these countries in that region. Some of my own family members do it too, and in fact regularly ask me to find anyone, and I literally mean anyone, for them to get "married" too until they obtain the British Passport! And some are married mind you! They are simply looking for a bridge. And they want me to play my part. No chance. As I don't believe in temporary marriages/marriages of convenience. They seem to think it's acceptable to lie to achieve this goal, even more so if the woman is non-Muslim. I personally know quite a number of North Africans who originally came to this country via a spouse visa, and have since remarried to a woman from their own culture, after obtaining their citizenship. Some actually brought their original wife over, to add insult to injury.

Wow! That's all I can say here... except thank you for your courage and candor in making this statement. If this doesn't convince a lot of people that playing with matches only gets you burned, nothing will. This has got to be one of the best posts I've seen.

Cheers,
James        Expat-blog Experts Team

Pretty in pink wrote:

Thank you, yes he has shown me all the paper work for his studies and exactly what he's applying for and he's saved £3,000 working in his shop but asked me to help him with the rest. I am so confused with his intentions as I want to support him but at the same time if I did would he then do runner lol. We talk everyday about everything and hes always telling me that he wants me to be his wife. Maybe it is just words I don't know. 

How much more convincing do you need !!
Whether the amount is 3000,30,000 or 300,000 he is scamming you.

Take note of what XB23 has posted. 

Bail out, don't spend anymore time, money or effort on him and get on with your life.

irenejnv wrote:

James, out of curiosity---why would it be so taboo or out of the norm for an Algerian Muslim to  want to marry a woman with children? Nowadays, so many men never hang in for the long term, so finding a woman past 30 with no children will not be easy task. Would that really be a "deal-breaker" as far as the test for honest relationship goes?

Not just Algerians. The norm in North Africa & Middle East (probably elsewhere too) is to marry a younger woman without children, and preferably never married.

There might be very very rare instances whereby an Algerian sincerely accepts an older woman with children. But they will have a very tough time convincing their family to give them the green light. And that really matters. Without genuine family approval, and by that is it's not a marriage for immigration purposes, things won't work out. So the problem is finding someone who isn't in it for ulterior motives, which is difficult as it is, and to make things more difficult, having to then get their family on side, when there are suitable single childless Algerian girls available. Not easy at all.