大咖福利影院

Pedro1986 wrote:

Thanks dkcape.

For me, asking for money is giving away your pride. But what pride? Everything in Philippines is already Chinese or America, so what should they be proud about ;-)

Yes well said.It is unfortunate that they have no pride,with regards to asking for money,when most are so lazy.My gf,s relatives sit and watch the sea every day and bum off others.What a great life!

Pedro1986 wrote:

Thanks dkcape. My mom already asked me to move back to Belgium. Actually, I just want to say what I want to say, but my wife doesn't want me to. Eventhough that's the only way to get them to understand.

For me, asking for money is giving away your pride. But what pride? Everything in Philippines is already Chinese or America, so what should they be proud about ;-)

Hmmmm, That's just the way it is here. I go buy the philosophy, " Give a man a fish feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and feed him for life." That's why I never give money to the beggers. Unless they have some kind of physical or mental defect that prevents them from working.

听 听 If you continue to stay here I would recommend giving them advise next time they ask for money. That way you save face,and they'll learn to either accept your advise or stay away from you.
Never I repeat NEVER let anyone except your wife how much money you actually have or make.

听 听 I see the same thing in the USA if you go there you'll only see whites and black beggars. Weird since people from China and Mexico come to the US all the time and don't even speak English yet they can find jobs. It's just laziness bro I'm sure you got the same thing in your country if you think about it. Here it's just on a larger scale. Every family has some bums in it.

Good luck Bro. Hope this helps.

KanoJoe wrote:

The answer is simple, marry an orphan, or don't get married at all, because the family WILL be at your door with their hand out. They know no shame or humility. They will not work given the opportunity. The more you give, the more that will be expected. Unless you have this conversation with your fiance NOW, you're relationship is doomed. Let her be the bad guy with the family. She will do this if YOU tell HER the way it's going to be. Never, ever negotiate with the family. If they come to you asking for money, tell them to talk to your asawa. If you feel obliged to give them something, then set it out in stone with your fiance and let her dole it out.

Yup good advice. I just returned from Manilla yesterday, and family members are now e-mailing the crap outta my wife for money since they saw how much money I spent while I was there. Wala Na, LOL.

Best answer I come up with for so called friends or family is, sorry I need my money for my family. They usually understand this, and if they don't tough

Thatawesomeguy wrote:

lots of very very good听 information here听 听but also听 听lets not forget听 that if your wife had of married a a pinoy听 听 the momment听 they got married听 听her debt to the family听 and her responsibility is over听 听 听 your new family and your life听 begins听 听and if u can help a little听 every now and then听 听 thats fine听 听but听 no means听 no听 and u got to stick to your guns.

U need to move away from the family听 听 that is good advice and your first step
Listen to Joe and Okie boy听 听 听this is asia听 听 听 giving is weakness听 听 听 u must be firm听 听u must stick to your guns听 and u are no ones atm card听 听 听 听
concentrate on your new family听 听 听
Dont wait for threats or things to get out of control听 听move now and dont think about it
Best piece of advice u are going to get here听 听 listen to these guys听 听 听 听 we have all听 lived breathed and seen and heard听 听
plus听 if u are living somewhere听 听 听where u are hearing听 gun shots everyday听 听 听then u are听 in the wrong part of this country听 and its time for u听 to consider that also

Good luck Pedro, hope it all works out. The people here are really giving you great advice. Let us know what happens I think we are all curious to see what happens with your story. Any changes you made so far? Or are things going better, and what did you do that made it work out?

Cheers

Pedro1986 wrote:

I'm feeling a little bit depressed lately. It has been since the beginning already, but I'm really starting to dislike/hate it that I'm sometimes doubting if I'm starting to hate the family.

My wife is Filipina and the longer the more her family just relies on us to pay everything for them. Bills, school for the sister, food, transportation and extra allowance. Why is that so here in the Philippines? Why don't people do fist everything that they can do to earn their money before they ask?

Why don't I want to pay? Because I want to save up. I have a church wedding soon, I want to buy a car, I want to buy a house and I want to save up for my future and the future of my future kids. Here, if I give money it's always immediately gone.

My wife's mom doesn't earn a lot, but than again, she doesn't work a lot. She was offered an extra job, but she rejected 'because it's too difficult.' Too difficult? You're a mom and you have a daughter that still studies. You are obliged! You chose for it.

My wife's dad died already. A sad story, but it brought a lot of money in the family due to a life insurance. In half a year or something, the money was gone. New cellphones; working on the house that wasn't necessary before apparently, ...

My question is: What can I do to make them see that I (we) am not responsible for them. I have my own family (me, my wife, our future kids) that we have to save for and are responsible for.

My promise for later: I will NEVER ask money from my children. Children are not to make profit or as security for later. I'd rather work on a garbage field or kill myself than lowering myself to the level of asking (expecting) money from my children.

Whatever is harsh here, please allow me for now. My head is bursting from bad thoughts, so this post is already filtered. Wordt thought: I'd rather step out of this family if that's the only way.

RUN!!RUN!! RUN!! As far as you can...Sounds like a bunch of BS on your wife's family...I made it clear to my wife I would not be anyones cash cow...However, I did volunteer(My Idea)to help a couple of times like spending $500 to remove cataracts from her 92 year old grandmother who was blind for five years, who can now see 20/20..and getting dentures for her mother... Now most of her relatives consider me a brother or son for doing so and as a result never ask of me anything...As a matter of fact when we visit I take a few chickens and in return they give me 5 to 10 kilos of peanuts and many variety of fruits when we leave.. Everyone is happy...

You're young so get it together and raise your own family and learn to say f*#k off to others even at the expense of a temporary relationship problem with your spouse...

Good Luck..

expatfever wrote:

Pedro1986 wrote:

Thanks dkcape. My mom already asked me to move back to Belgium. Actually, I just want to say what I want to say, but my wife doesn't want me to. Eventhough that's the only way to get them to understand.

For me, asking for money is giving away your pride. But what pride? Everything in Philippines is already Chinese or America, so what should they be proud about ;-)

Hmmmm, That's just the way it is here. I go buy the philosophy, " Give a man a fish feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and feed him for life." That's why I never give money to the beggers. Unless they have some kind of physical or mental defect that prevents them from working.

听 听 If you continue to stay here I would recommend giving them advise next time they ask for money. That way you save face,and they'll learn to either accept your advise or stay away from you.
Never I repeat NEVER let anyone except your wife how much money you actually have or make.

听 听 I see the same thing in the USA if you go there you'll only see whites and black beggars. Weird since people from China and Mexico come to the US all the time and don't even speak English yet they can find jobs. It's just laziness bro I'm sure you got the same thing in your country if you think about it. Here it's just on a larger scale. Every family has some bums in it.

Good luck Bro. Hope this helps.

Expatfever...You say only let your Filipina spouse "know how much you have"...LOL...I say never but never, especially her know exactly what you have if you don't want everyone in her family to know especially if she acts to be the social climber type...Just let her know you make enough to give you both a comfortable living and keep her in the dark as to what you really have until you're together for a minimum of 5 year...

Coming from a guy who has been in and out of the courts 3 times and never took a beating...

Take Care Bro

FilAmericanMom wrote:

You should have an honest heart-to-heart talk with your wife.听 Tell her your concern: that you want to save money for your future, and that giving the parents money for their bills hinders that goal.
听
Ask your wife about her life growing up.听 Did her parents / family go through a lot of sacrifice to get her to college so she can have a decent job, and now she feels she owes them (at least for the sister's schooling)?

In the Philippines, many earn just enough to survive. Usually, couples have 3 or more children, whose ages are not far apart. So there could be several kids going to college at the same time. So those who have already finished college are expected to pitch in for their younger siblings' education. Also, most parents have not saved up for retirement in order to pay for their children's education, which is why they live with their children or get support from them or both in their golden years.

This has been part of Filipino culture, and I support this up to a certain degree, especially with deserving and hardworking parents. It really pains me to see elderly citizens begging in the streets or foraging through garbage. And it's great to see that all the siblings have finished college and can be self-supporting.

What I don't support is when able-bodied parents decide go on early or semi- "retirement" and ask for money from their child or children for bills they used to pay, especially if their child married someone whom they think has money, such as a foreigner like you. If this is the case, then tell your wife that she, not you, talk to her mother about the problem. Let your wife deal with her family. Since you, I suppose, are the main breadwinner, you should have control over the budget and how much to give to your wife. What ever negative comments you hear from the inlaws, just ignore them.

I disagree with the comments here that if you marry a Filipino / Filipina, you marry their tribe. For me, whomever you marry, whatever nationality he / she has, you marry into his / her situation. For example, if you marry someone who has credit card debt or has a huge student loan, you marry into her situation, i.e., you might have to forego that new car purchase to pay off high-interest credit card debt. Or perhaps you have to wait to buy your own house until you get a raise or get promoted because your significant other has $100k+ in student loans.听 In your case, you married into someone who has to at least help her sibling go through college. How you want to deal with it is up to you.

My husband's situation is different from yours. My Filipino parents are in their mid 60's. But they would never ask me or my husband for money for their bills.听 (But then again, they're far from being without money.) In fact, I, my husband, and my 2 kids all live with them rent free. (They have a spacious house.) They insisted on it so we could save up for building our own house. (We do pay for our share on utilities and food.) They great help in taking care of our children and supervising the nannies when my husband and I are at work.

I rent my store's stall from them. And when they notice that there's not much sales or customers' payments have not yet come in, they'd ask me if I want to delay paying the rent.

In the future, if my parents would need our help and would want to or might need to live with us when we have our own house, my husband and I would take them in in a heart beat. In our future house, we're putting the guest bedroom on the ground floor, just in case my parents do want to live with us, so it won't be difficult for them to go up the stairs. They're great and loving parents, and grandparents too.

Your husband is lucky...I myself was fortunate to find a beautiful 31 year old Filipina wife with a college degree and no children...Her mother, sisters and brothers are all farmers of their own land and being such normally don't need any help unless a typhoon were to wipe out their crops...Her mother came and stayed with us until our first child was born and one month beyond and never asked for anything, but I volunteered to have her teeth fixed...I also volunteered to remove cataracts from my wifes 92 year old blind but healthy grandmother and as a result; today she sees 20/20...Now the entire family calls me son or brother and never asked for anything...In fact when we visit; upon our departure they give us 5 to 10 kilos of their crops, various fruits and we are always made to be welcomed there... Never do I feel as if I am someones benefactor...Our next child is due in January and my mother-in-law will come in December to help with our 1 year old and cleaning...I love her family because they have so much pride(Igorot Tribe), are hard working and very caring people...When her mother becomes to old to work any longer she will be most welcomed in our home...

However, I have an Aussie neighbor who has himself in a nightmare...He just finished building a very nice home and from what I understand only his wife's mother and sister were supposed to move in with them...But to his surprise; her 2 brothers, another sister, two of their spouses and 5 children have moved in also...He has to keep going back to Australia to make more money to make ends meet...I think he is not happy with the situation but loves his wife and children and doesn't have the heart to tell them to leave not realizing in a few years when he will retire he will have taken on more than he bargained for...Myself, I could never put myself in such a precarious situation...

Good Luck to all of you Expats who have found yourself in a similar mess...Hope this will help some not to take the same road as my neighbor has...