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Musings on Death and Dying

A very interesting thread. I'm sure that many will chime in on this matter. One of my concerns is a little different. When people hear about death in their own family, that can be very hard to deal with. Having good Korean speaking people around you can be very helpful at such times. Be patient.

A few tips: when sharing such news, make sure that you have the individual's attention and request that they may want to sit down, because there is some tragic/grave news that must be expressed.

When an expat crosses the ocean, they make an existential choice that they will likely miss certain weddings and funerals in the family. That is a sacrifice one makes, and it is a hard one! 20 years in Asia and your world back home changes immensely! Thus, one is left with much unresolved grief.

I have had friends that were not informed about a dying uncle because the family thought it would make no sense to come home in the middle of a semester. The family made an arbitrary choice, leaving my friend feeling very angry!

As a counselor, I have seen an unreality in a client's eyes as they play with the crocs in dee nile... That can't be easy. The reality of the death of a loved one so far away may take some time to properly deal with.

Finally, one great thing about Korean culture is that when there is death in the family, you (men) wear a dark suit with a white armband with stuff written on it. This tells people that he/she is in grieving and to be patient and respectable. I remember going to Costco immediately after a funeral and when the store employees saw the armband (my father-in-law had just passed away),they were extremely kind and empathetic. It was really a beautiful experience. We would be smart to adopt that in the west.

Death is a reality that we all must face. There is an old saying:

Friends help you move; real friends help you move bodies.

Sometimes we need to be carried~ whether through a hard time, or in a coffin at the very end. That's what being a friend is all about. Yvon

Very lovely piece. Thank you Yvon. Be blessed always. Ben

Thanks Ben, I appreciate your kindness.

One final thing in regard to death. When my mother passed away and I had just returned to Korea (having had the opportunity to go home and say goodbye, but missing her funeral,) my good friend John recommended that I light a candle with her photo in front of me and just sit for 10 minutes every morning and pray, talk, cry, laugh with her. I did that for a month, and it made a world of good. As a pastoral counselor, I meet many people with unresolved grief, and it can wreak havoc on one's life.

Wishing you all peace.

Yvon