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Marriage put off due to superstition

khanh44
#1
Ok so my fiance is very traditional I guess to put it. She kisses with her nose. Well she wants to put off the wedding or get married before Tet this year because after Tet is the year of the horse. We're both born on the year of the horse so according to some sort of Vietnamese tradition no one gets married on the same animal year that both couples are born to.

To appease her I agreed to her request to see a fortune teller but no matter what date he picks as best to get married I told her we're getting married in February. I don't want to be sweating it out in a monsoon rain in a wedding tux.

So what are my choices? I've already bought the plane ticket to arrive 2 weeks prior to Tet. Don't want to rush the wedding just before Tet when everyone is busy.

Just tell her that's so backwards?
1 member reacted to this post
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ancientpathos
#2
Call me silly, but if you are getting laid and she wants to postpone the marriage.听 I see no downside to a piece of paper.听 Heck this may just be the marriage god being nice to you.
Wild_1
#3
Khanh,

Go along with her.听 If anything, that leaves you a way out of the unfortunate things that can take place in your lives later.听 I always wish you the best.听 But, weird things happen, and when they do, the last thing you want to deal with is the "we told you so" shenanigans.听 These guys have very elaborate ones, so avoid them at all costs.
1 member reacted to this post
Adrian_79
#4
Depends on how soon you wanna get married i guess :) However you definately need to stick by the dates given by the fortune teller or avoid getting married in that year of the horse thingy cause most Vietnamese take this stuff pretty seriously. If you do go ahead and get married in February be prepared to get a good old nag from the wife for any minor 'unluckyness' in the future.
khanh44
#5

ancientpathos wrote:

Call me silly, but if you are getting laid and she wants to postpone the marriage.听 I see no downside to a piece of paper.听 Heck this may just be the marriage god being nice to you.


well that's the reason for getting married. To save face for her family if a kid pops out. She's traditional and I'm traditional we don't believe in using protection.

I guess I can postpone it or change my flight ticket to couple weeks earlier.

But is this tradition true? Has anyone heard of it?

Wild_1
#6
I tawt I taw a Budman...听 :blink:

Khanh,

I think your fiance knows about your bid for automatic citizenship...

Are you sure she doesn't know how to use the internet?
NPBD
#7
Outside the year of horse, you have to understand Tet is big in VN.
Weeks before Tet every family are busy.

2 to 4 weeks after Tet. everything is dead, everyone go home, business closed, difficult to find transportation ( Car /driver). Price go up like hell.

If you plan your weeding within this timeframe your guest-list will be very short.
Wild_1
#8
Khanh,

What are you, NEW?听 Have you ever seen a rich and famous fortune teller.听 But, weird things have happened o-plenty.听 Do you want to get blamed for each?

Khanh, Khanh, Khanh...听 How are you going to get to 5 wives?
Adrian_79
#9

khanh44 wrote:

But is this tradition true? Has anyone heard of it?


True. 99.99% of the Viets i know of believe so.

1 member reacted to this post
khanh44
#10
Howie: She's got no computer. Doesn't even know how to turn off a computer. Only time she used a computer was to chat with me at the beginning stage of the relationship.

NPBD: Her hometown is My Tho. Really Vietnam is dead 2-4 weeks after the 10 days of Tet? I didn't know that. I guess latest I can go for is March if it's still dry and not too hot than.
khanh44
#11

Wild_1 wrote:

Khanh,

What are you, NEW?听 Have you ever seen a rich and famous fortune teller.听 But, weird things have happened o-plenty.听 Do you want to get blamed for each?

Khanh, Khanh, Khanh...听 How are you going to get to 5 wives?


I don't believe in those crap. I'm just going along to appease her and see what date he's going to pick. If I don't like the date my judgement will win over.

She can nag all she wants as long I get 4 steps closer to my goal.

Citsym
#12
Yes khan it's true, and very true to her. If you don't care when you get married, go along with her wishes and sweat a little :)

Such a small thing for you, but important for her!
ancientpathos
#13

Wild_1 wrote:

6

What are you, NEW?听 Have you ever seen a rich and famous fortune teller.?


Wild_1, the really great fortune tellers all took a pledge of poverty.

Tito12
#14

khanh44 wrote:
Wild_1 wrote:

Khanh,

What are you, NEW?听 Have you ever seen a rich and famous fortune teller.听 But, weird things have happened o-plenty.听 Do you want to get blamed for each?

Khanh, Khanh, Khanh...听 How are you going to get to 5 wives?


I don't believe in those crap. I'm just going along to appease her and see what date he's going to pick. If I don't like the date my judgement will win over.

She can nag all she wants as long I get 4 steps closer to my goal.


Yeah, you can't reason with Vietnamese when it comes to superstition and fortunetellers. I like Buddhism but it gives a lot of excuses for them to blame it on "the previous lives" and luck and not take responsibilities for their actions. Like someone already said - every shit that will happen they might blame on the wrong dates and blah blah. Not only the uneducated but also educated and intelligent people do this. On TET it's the worst, it's like IQ falls 50% for most of them and every things is superstition and luck (don't sweep for x days, who goes first in the house,lucky that,lucky this..).

You have your wishes too so there is no need to obey them in everything they want. Like you said, If you don't like the date then your judgement will win over. If the wedding will be off or they make major problems then at least you will know where you are and what kind of mentality awaits you in the future.

khanh44
#15
k, just found out more details about this superstition. Apparently you have to wait 3 years after similar animal year to marry. She'll be 39 by than and her chances of popping a healthy baby would drastically decrease.

I agree with most no matter how insensitive I am to these superstition if it's important to her and saves me from getting future nagging I will have to compromise.
Wild_1
#16
Khanh,

That's the spirit.听 Yeah, I can see you now...听 Decked out in leopard prints, eating rice, right in the middle of your harem...听 :thanks:
Captainelectric
#17
Tradition is just that...why change anything.
Cultural difference is ...so why think you can change a whole culture.
Go with the flow.
Good luck.
how can you say...what really is good luck and what are your superstitions in your land and culture...black cats, ladders and numbers...go with the flow.
Love is understanding your mate.
khanh44
#18
She's ok with having our wedding after Tet. But have to ask her direct family members what they think.
khanh44
#19
woohoo her aunts scolded her when she brought the superstition up. So that's the end of it we're getting married end of February.

Life is good I don't have to follow their superstition, not live with the in-laws, not have to work as she's working, don't have to pay dowry and don't have to support her parents.

Only drawback for now is I'm leashed but I guess I can put up with that given the things I don't have to do.
khanh44
#20
Just remembered something. My sister insisted I do a prenup. I'm pretty sure the Vietnamese would take offense to this would they not? Any foreign men done a prenup?
stumpy
#21
As for superstition, when I got married in Laos the marriage day was changed after my wife consulted a fortune teller.
cth
#22
Another option to the prenup is to set up a trust that protects you and everything you own. Don't know if its the same in Canada tho. I got a 'protective' trust setup, but this was done way before I got married anyway.
That way, you wouldn't have to bring up the word prenup and no one gets offended.
Ashard Deen
#23
I am not trolling, honest. How do you kiss with your nose or is it a figure of speech?
charmavietnam
#24
Only women can understand women!:D
Agrees with cth. Try to understand each other. I do not think you can make a prenuptial agreement with Asian girl.They will consider it as mistrust or insult, especially when she is under the shade of family!
G
#25
Ashard, I think he was referring to how VN ladys sniff someone instead of kissing them with lips.
khanh44
#26

colinoscapee wrote:

Ashard, I think he was referring to how VN ladys sniff someone instead of kissing them with lips.


more like inhale through their nostril. It's new to me too.

When I asked her how come she doesn't kiss me she said she does kiss me a lot with her nose. I was like wtf. Neverheard of kissing with nose and felt pretty ticklish when she did it on my tummy. Google it apparently it's a popular way of kissing all across Asia not just Vietnam.

khanh44
#27
I had this brilliant idea for doing a prenup after I wrote about it. I'll just put a clause the prenup is void after 10 years. If she can put up with me for 10 years she deserves everything I have.
Ashard Deen
#28
Hahah i didn't know ;-) Wild1 i am sure you'd have a few thoughts on this.
MarkinNam
#29
Hey wild 1, whats that about auto citizenship????:P
khanh44
#30
my bid for auto citizenship has hit a road block in the form of a 4 feet Vietnamese woman that won't let me out of the house unless she's by my side.
mal
#31

khanh44 wrote:

it's a popular way of kissing all across Asia not just Vietnam.


Nope! Not in all Asia.

khanh44
#32

mal wrote:
khanh44 wrote:

it's a popular way of kissing all across Asia not just Vietnam.


Nope! Not in all Asia.


sorry I should not used the word 'all' as it implicitly implies every country in Asia.

Wild_1
#33
You guys must excuse Khanh, he is about to get tied up.听 Amidst the excitement, he can't help but think that his future wife is Asia.听 :lol:听

Mark Stutley wrote:

Hey wild 1, whats that about auto citizenship??


A while back, the same excitable Khanh, asked me about reclaiming his Vietnamese citizenship without having to deal with the Vietnamese bureaucratic red tapes.听 I told him, perhaps, he could marry 5 Vietnamese wives and they would exempt him.听

Dude, the guy is taking me up on it.听 But, I can he is struggling already.听 :dumbom:

MarkinNam
#34
love hides a multitude
perry88
#35
Personally, I don't think it matters if your bride is Vietnamese, American or Bulgarian, get used to saying "Yes, dear," a lot.听 A wedding is all about the bride no matter what the country is.听 You're just there to balance out the wedding photos.听 Let her pick the date, buy her a silk ao dai and she and her family will respect you for being a great husband.
perry88
#36
Oh, about the nose kisses.听 My mother-in-law and wife both do it.听 It was a little strange at first but I got to understand it is a Vietnamese way of letting someone know you like them.
khanh44
#37

mark stutley wrote:

love hides a multitude


great now I'm going to be thinking what that means at work for the entire day maybe for weeks.

I'm slowly learning what love is after all these years of just loving myself.

What I got so far is love defines itself to you. You'd make sacrifices without considerations. Your vision is narrowed.

khanh44
#38

Wild_1 wrote:

Dude, the guy is taking me up on it.听 But, I can he is struggling already.听 :dumbom:


I haven't even landed on Vietnam soil yet. I'm just warming up got one that wants to skype with me already.

Ashard Deen
#39
For your sake let's hope your fiancee is not on Expat-blog ;-)
khanh44
#40

Ashard Deen wrote:

For your sake let's hope your fiancee is not on Expat-blog ;-)


She can't speak or read English and never used a computer before so nothing to worry about.

Besides I have nothing to hide from her. She knows about my wild fantasies. Everything I write here I also told her too. She's kool with it all.

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