Visiting NZ, ( again )

1933POSTS

11 years ago

I know there was a post on here a while back about info on visiting NZ, but stuffed if I can find it again,听 here's some latest info.

ADVICE FOR NORTH ISLANDERS (AND OTHER VISITORS FROM OVERSEAS)

Rules for visiting the South Island are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a Ute because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are sheep. That's why they smell like sheep. They represent wool & food to us. Get over it. Don't like it? SH1 goes north, find it
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $350,000 tractors that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the South waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and duck. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of duck season. It's a religious holiday, we will observe it!
9. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
11. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Watties Tomato sauce!
Oh, yeah We don't care what you folks in Ponsonby call that stuff you eat. IT isN'T REAL CHILI!!
12. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Rugby is as important here as the All Blacks, the Highlanders and the Crusaders and a heap more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards it spooks the fish.
15. Turn down that bloody car stereo! That thumpity-thump cr@p isn't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Southerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

2 members reacted to this post

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bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

Beware of free tickets,

A young Wellington woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the听 sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome听 young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the听 man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to California tomorrow. I can stow听 you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day,听 and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to California, the woman听听听听听accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she听 replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to California."
"I听 see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's *** me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Picton Ferry."
( for non Kiwis, this is the ferry that swims between the 2 Islands )

Citsym Contributor

143POSTS

11 years ago

Awesome. bluenz...... lived over there for 9 years...It's how it is

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

For those who haven't heard:
New Zealand just passed both laws - gay marriage and legalized marijuana.听听听听The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says,
"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

1 member reacted to this post

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

Earthquakes in NZ

NZ Earthquake

A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale has hit New Zealand this morning.

The country is devastated with 350,000 New Zealanders missing, and over 100,000 injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government has issued a worldwide appeal for assistance.

Other nations have been quick to respond to the disaster.

Britain is flying in sniffer dogs to help locate trapped victims.

The United States is flying in food supplies and aid money.

France is flying in doctors, nurses and mobile first aid units.

Japan is flying in high tech communications and equipment.

Germany is flying in police squads to help restore order.

Russia is flying in tents, cases of vodka and warm clothing.

Australia is flying in 350,000 replacement Kiwis.......

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

SOUTHLAND VASECTOMY

An Southland couple, both bona fide Gore retards, had 9 children.

They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed."

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally
made them make the decision -- why, after nine children, would they choose
to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of
every ten children being born in New Zealand was Chinese, and they didn't
want to take a chance on having a Chinese baby because neither of them could
speak the language.

( hope Cindy doesn't read this )

geniesolver New member

4POSTS

11 years ago

Noted- and thank you!

I haven't visited yet, but your list of what's what makes me more keen than ever to do so : )

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

geniesolver wrote:
Noted- and thank you!

I haven't visited yet, but your list of what's what makes me more keen than ever to do so : )

Enjoy your trip, ( we all think we are comedians as well ). It's a great place to visit, ( Sth Island ), but I wouldn't want to live there, ( again ).

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

11 years ago

I agree. Great place to visit.听 Both north and south islands I might add. I have no desire to ever live back there again.

geniesolver New member

4POSTS

11 years ago

#10

Why don't you want to live back there again?听 I'm thinking of coming to have a look-see with a view to emigrating and need some solid info.听 My other option is the USA, but after getting into the book I'm writing on transgenic food, food animals and medicines- and Roundup, Paraquat etc I'm appalled by their complete lack of transparency. on the immeasurable damage being done to humans, other creatures, soil, air and water.

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

#11

geniesolver wrote:
Why don't you want to live back there again?听 I'm thinking of coming to have a look-see with a view to emigrating and need some solid info.听 My other option is the USA, but after getting into the book I'm writing on transgenic food, food animals and medicines- and Roundup, Paraquat etc I'm appalled by their complete lack of transparency. on the immeasurable damage being done to humans, other creatures, soil, air and water.

Check out this thread on this site, " New Zealand " in the search on the top of the forum page, by Kiwi's .you will find all you need to know about NZ. ( and many reasons why most Kiwi's never return ). If you are emigrating, you will need a good job, and/or plenty of $'s.

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

11 years ago

#12

Nice place to visit as a tourist and I do like going back every so often to catch up with my elderly father. If it was not for him I would not bother ever going back for a visit at all.

There is next to no work for me in my line of expertise and what little there is pays a lot less than I can earn overseas.
NZ is similar to Oz in that it is at the bottom of the world and so overseas companies do not want to fly me in and out from either country as it is expensive. That is one of the reasons I live in Laos. It is close to Bangkok which is centrally located for flights around the world.听

NZ is an expensive place to live. For cost of living 听
For visa information and applications .

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

#13

My main gripes are the cold, and the reverse racism. ( and that will only get worse ), when I went back to live there in 92 , ( after 8-9 yrs in Aus ), I felt like a Foreigner in my own country, almost like I was on听 a Pacific Island, but without the warmth. ( not just the heat either ).
I may have to go back next year, ( my parents are both 84 ), but I am far from looking forward to it, when I lived in Aus , I would send them return tickets, just so I wouldn't have to go back, but now they are too old to travel, ( plus the heat/humidity here would kill them ).

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

11 years ago

#14

I first left NZ in 1964 to come over to Oz for a surfing trip before you needed passports to travel there. Up until 1980 I came and went regularly to Asia and then when my marriage split up I came over to Oz permanently.

My dad used to come over to Gold Coast each year but at 94 he is too old now so I head over at least once a year to see him along with my brother. Our brother in Auckland keeps an eye on him as do our friends.

Yes it is cold over there too and I feel like a stranger when I go back as well.