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Cross boder marriage. good or bad

Piyo
#1
hi all,
Do you wanna get marriaged with a foreigner. I think about this issue because if we are expatriate, there r alot of oppotunities to marriage with local ppl.
Sometimes I think it will be intersting. We can share with each other all things that we dont know before about life style, culture, food, etc.. but sometimes I am affraid of shock culture or misunderstanding problem. Especialy when we have to face with many challenge we cant predict in future.
See also
Fred
#2
The bird and the bee were different species but that didn't bother them.
1 member reacted to this post
Piyo
#3
hahaha, yes. I know, they dont bother each other but maybe they fly in parallel way. or just meet in short time then fly away with their group
Primadonna
#4

Piyo wrote:

hahaha, yes. I know, they dont bother each other but maybe they fly in parallel way. or just meet in short time then fly away with their group


So people do...

ECS
#5
the problems you speak of are also possible problems with a marriage to someone who's from your same culture. It's not unique to multicultural relationships!

I've been with someone from another culture/country for six years and the longer we're together, the less it's about where he's from, and the more it's about who he is.
Fred
#6

Piyo wrote:

hahaha, yes. I know, they dont bother each other but maybe they fly in parallel way. or just meet in short time then fly away with their group


No.
The bird got stung and the bee buzzed off.

B
#7
Piyo,
聽 聽Your wise to ponder this question. I am currently in a cross cultural relationship with a VNese national. I must tell you the differences are immense and at time quite trying. In the West the male tends to be the dominate one of the family unit, it is he who leads. In the VNese culture it seems the female is the dominate personality. Perhaps the best mix then would be to find a more passive Western male partner. Another problem I have seen is the language issue. While my VNese partner on the surface seem to have a great grasp of English I've yet to meet a dual language person that does not struggle with the three part conversion of any conversation. That is they hear the msg of the person speaking, then must process it in their brain from the foreign language into their mother tongue. The problem comes in the final third stage of the translation that they rely back with. In order to be expedient they seem to truncate the response. So they might be in a situation where they are to tired to talk or carryon a conversation. Instead of saying "can we continue this conversation later when I'm not so tired" they may simply say "I don't want to talk to you now". So the other party becomes offended and thinks they have done something to anger the other. This seems to happen often.
聽 聽But great question, I hope we get a lot more input.
1 member reacted to this post
Piyo
#8
yes, all of you said true. I think mixed marriage is really complicated, rather than married with the same nationality. At least the different from language and culture. what happens if u wanna express your idea or emotion with a partner but you dont know how or you cant.
And what happens if with you the role of husband in family is more important than the wife but with your partner, he/she thinks in opposite idea.

However, what are the attractive aspects that makes the increase of mixed marriage. I am not sure but it seems that the western man was attracted by asian lady and vice versa the pull of characteristic of western man聽 attracts asian lady alot.
B
#9
Piyo,
聽 聽So true! I don't mean to make it sound as if there is no positive trade off or even that the barriers are not great opportunities to grow. I've lived in or been involved with the cultures of some 64 countries now. I am always intrigued by our differences and find it a great opportunity.
聽 聽Speaking only for myself I find Asian, and particularly VNese women to be very good wives. They are very attentive to the needs of their family and spouse. Whereas American women (in general) are very self-centered, self-serving where their needs come first and foremost.
聽 So I am not complaining. I do find it difficult to adapt to the Asian women's dominate roll and what seems to be their belief they they are always right on everything. Yet the good points for me still outweigh the less positive aspects.
聽 I can not really speak to why VNese women seem attacked to Western men. I know my GF like the fact that I help clean the house, iron the cloths, do the laundry, cook and help cook. I'm sure you will find many Westerners that feel the main attraction is money, and I'm sure there is some of that.
There are oodles of American women that only seek out money as well.
聽 However, for me the cultural differences only add more spice to life and I enjoy that aspect. How about you give your views on why Asian ladies are attracted to Western men?
HaileyinHongKong
#10
Is this the same as mixed marriages?
/forum/viewtopic.php?id=175557
Missy158
#11
I think for cross bother marriage understanding and mutual respect for ones culture is paramount, I am a Nigerian and was dated a German expat in Nigeria, he was a wonderful guy but had no regard for my cultural belief, funny I was raised in the city and by family are quite western in belief but then anything he believes is of Nigeria origin is of no value to him, I sometimes would try to cook him my national meal, be wouldn't make an attempt to eat, made him some traditional clothes, be never wore them, he always saying in Germany is like this and like that. I have fully accepted his culture why wouldn't he do the same?聽 I even ate sauerkraut because of him!

He made it clear that if we get married be wouldn't want to have any business with my family, I found that very insulting..why would you want to marry a lady when you don't like her family?

These things should be considered before proceeding to marriage
HaileyinHongKong
#12

Missy158 wrote:

he always saying in Germany is like this and like that. I have fully accepted his culture why wouldn't he do the same?


It might not be personal.聽 A lot of expats have a hard time adjusting to their new countries and compare everything to home.聽 Some people move across the globe and still want things to be the same as whatever they're used to.

1 member reacted to this post
stumpy
#13
Adjustment is difficult for some in a new country.
In my years of travelling I have found that comparing things to home causes problems. You must accept things for what they are, not what they might be.

My marriage to a lovely Lao women has it's difficulties as does any marriage, so I have to be aware of the cultural differences at times and think before I speak.
B
#14
Haileyinhongkong,
聽 What you said is so true. I also lived in Mexico as an expat. There too they desire to import their country to their new country. It is for that reason I would rather not live near expats. Like Stumpy said one must always be on guard to consider and except the cultural differences. I must admit that at times with the misses I forget that aspect. Myself I go to other countries to enjoy those differences. Even those differences that can frustrate.
beppi
#15
No two people are exactly the same, and every relationship (no matter if multicultural or not) has to deal with the differences.
Whether this is a problem or an enrichment depends on the open-mindedness and tolerance of the two partners.
This is the same (just more so) for a multicultural relationship as for a intra-society one.
Thus my advice: Focus on the positive aspects, from unexpected similarities (e.g. both enjoy exploring foreign cuisine) to synergies (e.g. he's better at managing finances, while she's keeping family and friends together).
If you're not able to do this, better seek a partner similar to yourself!
B
#16
Beppi,
聽 聽Well put. Yet they say we seek someone opposite ourselves, and understandably so. Then we dislike the very virtues we admired in the other person. In other words we don't handle money well, so we admire one that does, yet dislike that very virtue once the knot is tied. And life goes on, and we continue to ask the age old question, multicultural or not. Ironically we would probably really dislike someone like ourselves. But ain't life fun.
Piyo
#17
Haha, it is true, the difference between 2 ppl can be a spicy in life, makes our life r not too boring.聽 聽And the importance are tolerance, respect and understanding. However, it is not easy to do all. Sometimes maybe we will lose our control or sometimes we will feel tired wit those oddly things then everything might be worse. I remember one song named only love and it's lyric said "only love can do" bla bla :))
B
#18
Piyo,
聽 Are you thinking of the song that says "only love can break a heart, only love can mend it again"?
B
#19
IT ALL DEPENDS UPON THE PAIR
IF THEY ARE COMFORTABLE THAN ok
Hasnaa
#20
Hi Saeed Aamar,

It would be great if you could avoid posting with caps lock on the forum please so as to ease the reading.

Thank you,

Hasnaa
大咖福利影院 Team
R
#21
Absolutely good. Two cultures come together to be the one. The special one. It helps nations to unite and erases all boundaries and complications between them. I would strongly reccomend it!
1 member reacted to this post
B
#22
Dear Hasna

Thanks a lot,i will be care full next time
nice day to you
B
#23
When some one go to other country /place for job/work does not mean he/she should also have marriage there.
It also depend upon the culture/Social setup/relegion etc.
Normally people from Asia does not marey outside ( few cases are there).
Piyo
#24

bta87 wrote:

Piyo,
聽 Are you thinking of the song that says "only love can break a heart, only love can mend it again"?


Dear bta87, I was thinking the song "Only Love" of Trademark. Do you know this song?

mal
#25
It will be difficult to live with a foreigner from different social background and specially when speaking a total different language. One day my bf asked me... "Are we going to speak English during whole life at home?" Because English is neither of both of our native languages. But what else to do???
Piyo
#26
Oh,聽 u can study your partner language or vice versa. I know that u will study very quickly and effectively because u have tons of chance to talk with him. If i have a foreigner partner, i will do :D
stumpy
#27
Understanding is part of any relationship so it would be wise to learn your partners language in order to enhance the understanding and contribute to the relationship.
1 member reacted to this post
mal
#28

stumpy wrote:

Understanding is part of any relationship so it would be wise to learn your partners language in order to enhance the understanding and contribute to the relationship.


Piyo wrote:

Oh,聽 u can study your partner language or vice versa. I know that u will study very quickly and effectively because u have tons of chance to talk with him. If i have a foreigner partner, i will do :D


Yeah I know, someday when we will start a living together, it will be possible!

John C.
#29
WORDS FROM THE SAGE

'Cross boder' or 'cross bother' marriage (like I've seen Missy158 saying) won't work. Don't try this at home! :)

Cross border marriages may work.聽 Please try.聽 If not anything else, at least the gene pool will be improved. :D
ECS
#30

Piyo wrote:

Oh,聽 u can study your partner language or vice versa. I know that u will study very quickly and effectively because u have tons of chance to talk with him. If i have a foreigner partner, i will do :D


I've never formally studied German but at this point I can speak better German than all the other languages I studied, thanks to my partner. We speak what he calls a language salad, a combination of my language (English), his language (German), and the languages of countries where we lived/live (Icelandic and Norwegian). Occasionally confusing but we tell ourselves we're warding off dementia by being so multilingual :)

mal
#31
Now I am happy! It seems so good to have a partner who is speaking another language for a person like me who is lazy to follow formal lessons to study a language.
Piyo
#32
hahaha, congratulation.
Wish your couple will have happy ending :D
John C.
#33

Piyo wrote:

hahaha, congratulation.
Wish your couple will have happy ending :D


Piyo, ha, ha, ha,

Good things have no ending attached to them, only bad things have.
:lol:

mal
#34

John C. wrote:
Piyo wrote:

hahaha, congratulation.
Wish your couple will have happy ending :D


Piyo, ha, ha, ha,

Good things have no ending attached to them, only bad things have.
:lol:


Oh its ok John! I understand, she only wanted to wish me good! And this is her thread;)

Piyo
#35
Hahaha, sorry. I misunderstood. However, i really wanna hope every thing is great with u :D
John C.
#36

mal wrote:
John C. wrote:

Piyo, ha, ha, ha,
Good things have no ending attached to them, only bad things have.
:lol:


Oh its ok John! I understand, she only wanted to wish me good! And this is her thread;)


C'mon Mal, :/
I only slapped Piyo on her wrist while she was talking to you to remind to be accurate in her statements ... :D

Remember: I have 278 posts, you have only 81 .. :cool:

mal
#37

John C. wrote:

Remember: I have 278 posts, you have only 81 .. :cool:


Heyyy John, give me lil time, I am chasing your 278.. even if you would cross the border, I won't stop following you;)

John C.
#38

mal wrote:
John C. wrote:

Remember: I have 278 posts, you have only 81 .. :cool:


Heyyy John, give me lil time, I am chasing your 278.. even if you would cross the border, I won't stop following you;)


Hello Mal, :)

Sorry, can't give you time because I am in a hurry.
I heard that if I post 1,000 posts here, I get US$1,000 ... :lol:

You attacked me in my home at SLU forum and I realized you mean business.
I accept the challenge and your invitation.聽 Tell me, how is your cooking? :D

I looked at your profile.聽 Why do you want to go to USA? Everybody wants out of it.

John C.
#39
WORDS FROM THE SAGE

Cross border marriages are not good if the two persons are not on the same intellectual wave length.
This rule applies also to inside border marriages, but you are more vulnerable to make mistakes while on a new country.

Remember: you don't get married for one week ... :|
mal
#40

John C. wrote:

I accept the challenge and your invitation.聽 Tell me, how is your cooking? :D

I looked at your profile.聽 Why do you want to go to USA? Everybody wants out of it.


Hey, my cooking..? Thats a "WOW"
But only one expat has tasted it by now:D
'cos I can not spend much time on hospitality as I have a full-time job other than cooking!

I want to go to USA because 'my USA' doesn't like to settle in Sri Lanka until he will reach at the retirement age!

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