EXPAT ~AFFAIRS

14POSTS

6 years ago

Having spent my working life in education, we often, (in England) employed lecturers who lived in one city during the week and went home at weekends. Most of these lecturers, both male and female, end up with a friendship circle in the town in which they work, often leading to an affair.
Loneliness and boredom, are issues, as people we like company, and find comfort where we are.
It is not about being as expat, it is about the need for affection.

1 member reacted to this post

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B.Bebemaranee New member

8POSTS

6 years ago

Hello there , i have an idea.

why don't you find some volunteer activities or join fitness or running marathon somewhere cause from that you will meet lots of new people and you will get more connection easier.聽 i understand sometimes loneliness can cause something horrible but try to fix that gap with some positive advantage activities, maybe you can spend your lonely time in class ( handcraft , hobbies ). when you surround yourself with Good/ Positive people it will bring happiness to your life.

2 members reacted to this post

beppi Germany/Singapore Expert

15643POSTS

6 years ago

There's nothing wrong with creating a new circle of friends and activities in a place where you spend a substantial amount of your time. Life would be poorer without it.
But one should always know where one's heart is.

Leika Sari Islami Active member

46POSTS

6 years ago

Hi there,

Is there any expat communities is your place?聽

Usually expat communities make expat events so they could gather, meet each other and share information and knowledge. I think the more you meet people with same background with you (being expat), the better. So it could lessen your lonelinnes and boredom聽

Take care !

beppi Germany/Singapore Expert

15643POSTS

6 years ago

Sorry, but I'd advice strongly against hanging out with fellow expats only!
It often leads to what I call "expatism" - a status where one is phyically but not mentally in the host country, tries to live a life like "back home" and is often rather critical about everything the new environment offers.
Much better to make the new location home and adjust to it with with all senses.
(I personally, in my 15 years abroad, always felt uncomfortable and avoided contact with those afflicted by "expatism".)

3 members reacted to this post

walterparrish Member

14POSTS

6 years ago

I agree totally, little countries within a host does not help integration, and foster聽 superiority often by the expat community

Leika Sari Islami Active member

46POSTS

6 years ago

I see this 'lonelinnes' and 'boredom' as a form you miss your home, your people, and your culture. Going to expat community means you could share experience and knowledge about how to 'behave' like an expat in a host country, so you would learn something about the host country, or information about what you should do and don't in a host country.
Of course, I personally don't want you or other expat only socialize with only expat, but there is term as well, 'our own kind of people'.聽 I believe balance between it would be great as well.

2 members reacted to this post

Eng.MAAKA Active member

80POSTS

6 years ago

It's a matter how do we as expats survive abroad alone far from friends and families

Leika Sari Islami Active member

46POSTS

6 years ago

Eng.MAAKA wrote:
It's a matter how do we as expats survive abroad alone far from friends and families

I do understand your feeling聽

But I personally think that you don't have to be all alone. Try to socialize but find your own style.

Don't trust people easily, but find a person, even, several people whom you could trust.

Of course, it is not easy task. I admit it.

2 members reacted to this post

Eng.MAAKA Active member

80POSTS

6 years ago

#10

Sometimes it's not easy to find someone of my style. People are different. Culture is also different and sometimes restrict getting involved easily

Leika Sari Islami Active member

46POSTS

6 years ago

#11

I didn't say you would find someone of your style, each person is different, of course.
I suggest to socialize, but find your own style. You could be an easy going person, or reserved but care with your environment, or active and diynamic person, however, don't forget the culture and environment around you. Adapt with it and use it in your daily life聽

Of course, culture is different. Even if I go to other city but still in same country, I would find culture in the city is different as well, far different from my origin city.

And about restriction to get involved, this is, indeed, difficult. However, heart could be changed easily time by time, after much hard work聽

1 member reacted to this post

Eng.MAAKA Active member

80POSTS

6 years ago

#12

That's totally right. Thanks for speaking up

1 member reacted to this post

Leika Sari Islami Active member

46POSTS

6 years ago

#13

Eng.MAAKA wrote:
That's totally right. Thanks for speaking up

You're welcome. It is nice I could get a chance for speaking up. Good luck for you聽

Eng.MAAKA Active member

80POSTS

6 years ago

#14

Leika Sari Islami wrote:
Eng.MAAKA wrote:
That's totally right. Thanks for speaking up

You're welcome. It is nice I could get a chance for speaking up. Good luck for you聽

You too 馃槉

xpressman New member

7POSTS

6 years ago

#15

I AGREE!

Khalida.UNC Contributor

169POSTS

6 years ago

#16

beppi wrote:
Sorry, but I'd advice strongly against hanging out with fellow expats only!
It often leads to what I call "expatism" - a status where one is phyically but not mentally in the host country, tries to live a life like "back home" and is often rather critical about everything the new environment offers.
Much better to make the new location home and adjust to it with with all senses.
(I personally, in my 15 years abroad, always felt uncomfortable and avoided contact with those afflicted by "expatism".)

I could not agree more.聽 Those who want everything to be like their home should probably stay home.聽 One of the great advantages to living abroad is that you are somewhere different.聽 There is nothing wrong in meeting fellow expats from your home, but if you only surround yourself with your own kind, what is the point?

3 members reacted to this post

bkk tea blog Serial expat

428POSTS

6 years ago

#17

The key seems to relate to having been antisocial in your own country of origin, so that remaining isolated from others seems normal as you continue that abroad.聽

That's mostly not intended seriously, but at the same time there is something to that, about expectations about forming a close-knit group of like-minded friends potentially not working out.

A lot of expats, like myself, are married, which alters the initial context involving someone routinely travelling and having relationships.聽 Calling those "affairs" implies they occur outside the bounds of an existing committed relationship, but I guess people might use that term differently.