'I need advice about Moroccan Marriage System'

3POSTS

11 years ago

Hi,

Assalamu alaikum

I am a muslimah from Pakistan belong to a stable educated family. I like a guy who lives in a small city of morroco, now we both want to marry. He told me he is a baccalaureate, belongs to a very poor family and he is jobless now, even it is hard to get job here in Morocco. He is financially unstable so he cannot come here in Pakistan to get married with me. He asked me to come there in Morocco. As I belong to a Pakistani culture I know that it is a complicate thing even my family will not permit me to marry a guy far away from Pakistan who do not have any work and cannot give me a comfortable life as I am living here in Pakistan. My family has another very good options for me right now, But I want that guy he seems a simple good muslim. I have completed my BSc. in Microbiology and then did M.Sc. in Food Microbiology and Environmental Biotechnology. Besides this I am a researcher have done few publications in international Journals of applied sciences. I am a food safety professional and have almost two years of experience to work in Quality Operations in Food Industry. I have a good job here. Now this year I wanted to pursue Ph.D studies in my field, but now I am stuck in a difficult situation, because that guy is not ready to wait for me for 4 years if i do my Ph.D. He says I should not do Ph.D. first get marrried as he is poor so I need to finance everything regarding visa myself.
Bothers and Sisters, please help me out to tell me the right procedure of getting Married (visa apply, documentation) step by step and a rough idea of cost. Also please let me know would it be very hard to find a good job there in Morocco like city Rabat, Casablanca etc聽 with the qualification and professional experience I have? I think that if I get married (by the grace of God) I will also continue to work there so we can have a better life and I also have passion for my career. That is the whole story.

Thank You

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phoenixinuk Active member

64POSTS

11 years ago

hello, the only document you need is your bank statement and your pin number - give him these and he has all he wants and hey presto you will be married! Then give him the visa application forms and pay for this process and hey presto - your dumped!
If you marry this man you will have no career apart from being his wife and bankrolling his life and that of his family.
Wake up and smell the coffee

3 members reacted to this post

Angeilna Member

3POSTS

11 years ago

no he does not seem like this. He is a good man. I hope he will not deceive me.

1 member reacted to this post

phoenixinuk Active member

64POSTS

11 years ago

you are an educated woman - use that education to give yourself a good life without paying for someone elses poor life. Look at the statistics and read the stories on here and then make an educated decision.

1 member reacted to this post

XB23 ViP

1132POSTS

11 years ago

There was a Pakistani a few days ago on here who posted about their experience, after a four year relationship, but got banned for saying they got deceived. They were tricked, lost money (which is expected of course!), came here looking for support and a shoulder to cry on, but got booted out. Hey moderators, what's the saying? Don't kick someone when they are down.

phoenixinuk Active member

64POSTS

11 years ago

warnings /advice are given but rarely heeded

Angeilna Member

3POSTS

11 years ago

Okay dear thanks. I will pay attention on your advice. I do not know much about the people of Morocco, I found out this forum while searching some information on Google so that is why I joined expat to collect some useful information about the whole process, but here things seem different, so I must think about it. I just met that guy few days ago via internet.聽 I am young 23 years old and he is 28 years old he told me in his culture he is in age of getting married now. Sometimes he says he cannot wait sometimes says I can wait for my whole life. I don't wanna get married right now but that guy changed my way of thinking. He seems a different one. but now I am very sad. if I leave him I will hurt him and it is a bad thing. He seems a very good person having no greed for money.

phoenixinuk Active member

64POSTS

11 years ago

Angelina, I do not like being the messenger of doom but facts are facts. Good luck in your Ph studies and for your future. Do be swayed by this man being heartbroken as he will just move on to another woman.
A valuable lesson learned which will stand you in good stead for your future as much as your qualifications
I wish you health and happiness
Peta

1 member reacted to this post

XB23 ViP

1132POSTS

11 years ago

Angeilna wrote:
Okay dear thanks. I will pay attention on your advice. I do not know much about the people of Morocco, I found out this forum while searching some information on Google so that is why I joined expat to collect some useful information about the whole process, but here things seem different, so I must think about it. I just met that guy few days ago via internet.聽 I am young 23 years old and he is 28 years old he told me in his culture he is in age of getting married now. Sometimes he says he cannot wait sometimes says I can wait for my whole life. I don't wanna get married right now but that guy changed my way of thinking. He seems a different one. but now I am very sad. if I leave him I will hurt him and it is a bad thing. He seems a very good person having no greed for money.

You're Pakistani. I know a bit about the culture having lived in Asian communities throughout the UK. The parents have huge expectations. They want the very best for their daughters. Highly-educated, highly-qualified, a stable & very well-respected profession. Suitable family background etc .. So do your parents even agree with this for a start? Marrying a complete stranger, living in a foreign country, from a different culture, in an un-stable situation, who you found online? Or are you planning to go against them? Or they don't mind who you marry? That would be a surprise if they don't!

Primadonna Jordan Expert

5339POSTS

11 years ago

#10

Angeilna wrote:
Okay dear thanks. I will pay attention on your advice. I do not know much about the people of Morocco, I found out this forum while searching some information on Google so that is why I joined expat to collect some useful information about the whole process, but here things seem different, so I must think about it. I just met that guy few days ago via internet.聽 I am young 23 years old and he is 28 years old he told me in his culture he is in age of getting married now. Sometimes he says he cannot wait sometimes says I can wait for my whole life. I don't wanna get married right now but that guy changed my way of thinking. He seems a different one. but now I am very sad. if I leave him I will hurt him and it is a bad thing. He seems a very good person having no greed for money.

You met a guy just a few days ago through the net and you want now marry him????聽

My first thought when I read your story was: don't give up your beautiful and shiny career and future for a man who cant even afford you to marry you.
Do you know what he is asking? He wants you to pay everything for him. In his culture its him who is responsible for everything: visa, the fare. clothes, wedding聽 and much more. Of course he sees in you the perfect candidate, no worries for finding a job, no worries for money and a good and comfortable life in the future because you are able to provide this.

Normally I don't say to others what they should do or not but in your case, for your own benefits, I do:

Don't do it and keep far away from him as possible!!! Sounds like fraud and scam to me. He is not interested in you but in your money.
Focus on your career and study and when the time is right, you will find your man who is equal to you.

2 members reacted to this post

mwstebbins Member

20POSTS

11 years ago

#11

Forget it and move on.聽 Do your PhD.聽聽 If you do NOT speak Arabic AND French, your job prospects in Morocco will be very limited, if not non-existent.聽

More than likely, this guy wants a way out of poverty, and you are his ticket, nothing more.聽聽You have an education and earning potential, he has nothing to offer you.聽聽He may 'talk-the-talk', but I'll guess that after marriage, he'll not 'walk-the-walk'.聽

I've seem several internet romances fall apart, don't聽 join the list.聽 Also, cross-cultural marriages are very difficult:聽 Language, cultural customs, expectations etc.聽 EVen if you both speak English, there will be misunderstanding every hour of the day and they can often lead to ill-will, bad feelings and even fights.

At the very least, find someone of your own education and earning power level.聽聽m2cw

1 member reacted to this post

qadzfati Guest

0POSTS

11 years ago

#12

asalam alaikam
My dear sister.
I'm Pakistani national and living in Morocco.
I married with moroccan national.
I'm here been 6 months I couldn't get my residency untill now.
very complicated procedures.
here in Morocco very hard to find job.
I studied business management from UK.
I can not speak Arabic properly and french don't know at all.
my wife family they are good in financial but they couldn't help me to get job.
If you come here how can you get job.
and how long you will take money from Pakistan.
if you wanna talk more you can send me private message.
Thanks

Moroccan1 Serial expat

389POSTS

11 years ago

#13

Well I can see all people here against this poor moroccan . people only took the bad experiences and they forget about many successful mixed moroccan marriage . All I can say don't listen a lot to people just follow your heart and your mind 馃槈

qadzfati Guest

0POSTS

11 years ago

#14

This is nothing to do with me, however, I can't just let this poor woman ruin the whole of her life.

To the OP, dump this person. You want to marry him after a few days of "chatting" on the internet. You would give up everything, degree, family, friends, the lot for a few minutes of chat? Please step back and ask yourself what you would say if one of your friends announced any such madcap scheme to you.

In addition, the man is almost certainly a fraudster. Don't listen to people who talk about "successful" mixed marriages. The vast majority of them fail for reasons of cultural incompatibility or outright cheating and lying from one of the partners. Follow your head, not your heart, which seems to be a pretty lousy guide at the moment.

TariqTaz Member

24POSTS

11 years ago

#15

Walaykum salaam sister,

I have experience dealing with both these communities- and my advice is run for the hills!
Sorry but I can only see heartbreak for both sides?
As someone already said- have you even told your parents? you do know that if your wali says no- well, it's no!
If they are typical Pakistani family- with your education- they will want someone who has money & educated....so you are just stringing this guy along.....
If you do marry him, he has a poor family, so it will be like this:
- you will pay for the wedding & no mahr
- you will be taking his family down to Marjan, 2/3 times a week- at atleast 拢200 a time
- you will be expected to 'do up' the house & any goods inside
- you will be a bridge to bring any brothers/ sisters to go anywhere outside the country, or help with their studies/ start business for them
Save yourselves from poor moroccans!

1 member reacted to this post

XB23 ViP

1132POSTS

11 years ago

#16

Many times I don't even know if the thread-starter has taken our advice on board... because they usually don't reply to the comments, and post no further...It would be nice if our comments are at least appreciated, by responding to them..

It's either they have accepted what we've said and took the right action, or they disliked us "ruining" things for them with our "negativity" and have thus left the site to continue with the relationship, and ask their questions in a more "pleasant" place where they won't have to put up with reality. I have a feeling it's the latter. The truth can be bitter, and they don't want it shattering their dreams. It will be shattered anyway, whether by us telling it as it is, or as a result of their ill-considered actions. If they want to learn the hard way, and by experience, be our guest! At least do the decent thing and come and tell us we were right when it all goes balls up!

qadzfati Guest

0POSTS

11 years ago

#17

I think the previous poster is correct. I got聽 a PM from a "behappy" yesterday asking me for marriage guidance. I checked the search and found that he (or at least someone with a nearly the same username) has had loads of advice not to marry a Moroccan woman. I think he just wants one person to tell him to go right ahead and he will. Then his life will be ruined. The old threads show obviously that the Moroccan woman he wants to marry is a harpy and a gold digger.

James ViP

11272POSTS

11 years ago

#18

phoenixinuk wrote:
hello, the only document you need is your bank statement and your pin number - give him these and he has all he wants and hey presto you will be married! Then give him the visa application forms and pay for this process and hey presto - your dumped!
If you marry this man you will have no career apart from being his wife and bankrolling his life and that of his family.
Wake up and smell the coffee

All that I can add to this is........聽聽AMEN!!!

Cheers,
James聽聽 Expat-blog Experts Team

XB23 ViP

1132POSTS

11 years ago

#19

SvenStockholm wrote:
I think the previous poster is correct. I got聽 a PM from a "behappy" yesterday asking me for marriage guidance. I checked the search and found that he (or at least someone with a nearly the same username) has had loads of advice not to marry a Moroccan woman. I think he just wants one person to tell him to go right ahead and he will. Then his life will be ruined. The old threads show obviously that the Moroccan woman he wants to marry is a harpy and a gold digger.

You must be talking of "behappy786". Precisely why I'm giving up. Instead of wasting time advising them, why not just tell them to go-ahead with it already. Saves us both time and headache.

Phil_h Active member

26POSTS

11 years ago

#20

I'm not making any excuses for not reading the whole of this thread before posting this, because TBH I have heard it so many times before, and no it's not unique just to this country but the world over.

How about if you tried explaining that your family have taken any money you thought you once had from your family account and if you move to Morocco you will be penniless and homeless and will need your partner to provide for you, obviously in a manner befitting what you deserved.
Obviously that only gets past the part of you not having any finances that can be taken away from you, apart maybe from a marriage visa out of Morocco and into your home country.

I think you really need to sit back and think very hard at what you think you are about to get into.
At the moment is this person willing to feed and keep you?
Do they have a full-time job to be able to keep you?
Try suggesting they keep you just to see how it'd work out, but remember you do not have any finances of your own any longer)

Then see how long it takes before being dumped.

Oh yes, and babies from the man's point of view is to keep the woman tied to the house, and not necessarily a sign of love and affection.

And regardless of your age, 'Love Rats' as they are more commonly called do not care how old or young a person may be, they ultimately only want one thing out of the relationship, money, even if that means sending you out to work whilst they play at home.

qadzfati Guest

0POSTS

11 years ago

#21

Assalaam alaykum sister.聽 I married a moroccan woman and moved her over to the uk. I know of many other mixed morocan marriages that are successful.聽 If somone had taqwa then it doesn't matter what country they come from.聽 Morocan's are always being slated as liars and theifs on this site, I'm sure some are but if somone is raised with strong TAQWA then they are not going to treat you badly. It is difficult for a a foreigner to marry a Moroccan in Morocco. It will probably take about 3-4 weeks. Non morocan's are not allowed to take jobs thatmorocan's can take. For you I would forget about working in morroco,聽 it's not really an option.聽 If you have the money to support the man until Allah finds a way for him then all the reward for you. You will聽拢3000 in your bank to apply for moroccan residence. My wife's family are not rich but when I go Morocco they know I'm tight and come empty handed. The economy's are wide apart but people understand that I might be rich in Morocco but I'm not in uk so I don't go around helping others. Morocco is a nice place to live. Though it is the man's responsibility to support the wife

XB23 ViP

1132POSTS

11 years ago

#22

No-one is generalizing anyone. No-one just comes on to speak ill of Moroccans. No one has a problem with them. People reply on a case-by-case basis, and the advice is purely based on the thread-starters post only, rather than the nationality of the partner. Just to prove that to you... Here is a person who is telling her, that he can't wait for her to complete the Ph.D she wants to pursue, and she should instead put it to one side for now, because he is poor. Now if this was your daughter, how would you feel about that? For her partner to tell her to pause her studies, so she can finance him, and that he can't wait for 4 years for her. Where is the love. People wait for years if they have to, if they genuinely love someone & care about them. He has put her in a dilemma. Either to stop her studies and marry him, or continue with her studies and break off the relationship. Both situations are bad, and she is the one having to pay the price. So as you can see, there is no racism, no generalization, or any bias towards Moroccans from us. We are telling her what any reasonable person would say.

MokahMunky Member

2POSTS

11 years ago

#23

Find Joy in Your Marriage
"By wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established."

qadzfati Guest

0POSTS

11 years ago

#24

MokahMunky wrote:

Find Joy in Your Marriage
"By wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established."

Lol. And if she has any wisdom or discernment, she won't even think of marrying this bloodsucker, despite the advice from one recent poster that she should support him. What a cheek! Her 拢3000 would be gone within a month.

In fact, she doesn't even need wisdom or discernment, just a little common sense and the ability to accept the overwhelming burden of the advice here. After all, out of 23 or so posts, just one is urging that she ruins her life and marries this ne'er-do-well, citing religion as a basis. I always thought that Islam mandated the man to look after the wife as do the other Abrahamic religions, but hey, I guess it's fine to make it up as you go along as long as the woman loses out.

XB23 ViP

1132POSTS

11 years ago

#25

Never-mind that - In this country, and others in the West, quite a few of them marry more than one woman, 3, 4, when they don't have enough for one, because they seem to think it's the State's responsibility to take care of their wives and multiple kids. As my father joked, if polygamy was legal, the welfare system would of collapsed, and we would probably be the majority in the not so distant future! Some think it's acceptable if the woman finances it all, or someone else.

qadzfati Guest

0POSTS

11 years ago

#26

You didn't read / understand correctly my friend.聽 I didn't encourage the woman to marry the man I just pointed out how long it would take,聽 financial requirements for residency and the reality that the woman has virtually no prospects of finding a job in Morocco.聽 I also said it is the man's responsibility to support the wife.聽 Really this post should be closed because marriage isn't going to happen. I can't see her family ever accepting this. But everything said there is no reason to insult the man. Apparently he even said to the woman do the four years of studying. We would all be better advising people that need advise,聽 like me on how to buy a Ferrari and go touring around the world in it

Priscilla ViP

42358POSTS

11 years ago

#27

Hi everybody,

I think that everything has been said here and as the OP didn't showed up since march, i am closing this thread.

Thank you

Priscilla

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