Hi Tony,
I'll start with answering some of the queries:
1) in our search for a roof above our head, we found that newspaper adds, Facebook pages of real estate agents were not the best source.聽 Most of them don't have exclusivity, so good properties tend to be gone before they get posted.
Best advice on this: when you get here, contact a few RE agents (local newspaper will give some, but ask fellow expats too if they have a personal connection with somebody), then define what you're after and let each of them come back (happens within 48hrs) with what they have got. Pick the best RE agent (in your opinion) then push him to get you more (choice).聽
Budget-wise: IMO count on 800B$ to get a good basic.聽 I would not recommend any options on sharing, unless you find a couple of similar minded western-people who equally chip-in to rent a 3 or 4 BR house (around 2k)
2) transport: don't count on public transport, although things have improved noticeably over the past year and don't count on walking or cycling (weather can be torrential).聽 In terms of buying a car: in comparison to the U.S, you'll pay a lot of USD for what you get.聽 If you decide to come here for the initial 3 months, you need to rent a car, but talk to local business-holders if they can point you to somebody who is willing to rent his car. Re-sell value is pretty low, so avoid renting at Hertz, Avis, etc and go find a local willing to rent you his 5 yr old car because he already bought a new one. Count around 400-500B$ for good saloon car (no advantage IMO on 4x4 or pick-ups unless you need for your job).
3) Not sure if you have more luck in getting feedback on experiences of fellow-Americans through the U.S. Embassy, but regardless of nationality, I feel people who come here often fall into 2 categories:
A) Those who come here, being posted by their International employer
B) Those that have a particular strong/special skill that 'sells well' or is 'in demand'
I don't think (and I apologise for using this word) "fortune-seekers" are generally coming to Brunei as (just considering other options in Southeast Asia) they tend to explore Thailand and perhaps Vietnam instead.
PS: there are certainly a few more categories (trailing spouses, mix-marriages, ...) but the above 2 are IMO the dominant ones.
I hope this gave you some tips, but do think carefully before you think that "Brunei is your place".聽 Regardless of all the effort you have clearly already done, coming here on a 3-month exploration trip will set you back possibly 7k USD (flights, hotel, car rental, medical cover, ...) and if this is your first overseas visit you may end-up having a completely wrong idea about Asia.聽 Brunei is truly exceptional, don't misunderstand, but I'm not so sure if they're waiting for an American who wants to live a more quiet life, not hearing gunshots around every 15th corner and not seeing the drunks/junkies on the benches in every metropolitan city in the States.
Now the hard and final message: Finding a job, locally, is not easy at all !聽 There are 2 billion Asians who can probably do that job just as well as you, so why will they hire you? An employer would need to get a quota to employ you and these are not sitting on the shelf!聽 Are you fully sure that you cannot find, what you are looking for, in the States or in Germany ... Before you consider moving to a tiny country, such as BN?