The truth

51POSTS

13 years ago

Question, here in the states I've noticed that we live in a era that everyone avoids telling the people the truth because we don't want to hurt other people's feeling. Anyone else see a problem with that? If we can't say the truth because people get mad at the truth teller....who would benefit here by listening? Anyways to beat a dead horse at this point. Where I live I would say about 80% of the people now are obese and those numbers are still climbing. Yet even I'm scared at what kind of crazy reactions I would get by telling some fat 200+ kilo couple or people that they are overweight. Luckily at least I know I could run away saftly lol.

Is the phillipino mentality this way as well? I know that pinoys will tell other pinoys that they have gotten fat or skinny do they actually use that information to make a change or just typically ignore the observation?

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expatfever Active member

51POSTS

13 years ago

Man the truth is hard to find LOL.

xle Member

12POSTS

13 years ago

usually pinoys will take it as a joke and ignore it when someone tells them that they are fat especially if its coming from their friend. cheers!

Pedro1986 Active member

30POSTS

13 years ago

Just in general, wherever in the world, DON'T say things like that. It's not necessary. As xle says, mostly people are gonna take is as a joke, but that's only on the outside. Nobody likes to be called fat. And in the Philippines, it's like the first thing people say. Very superficial people here.

Person A: "Hi, how are you?"
Person B: "Wow, you're fat, hahahaha."

Seriously? Do you think people don't know how they look like? Same in Portugal. My mom just gave birth to my brother. One month later, we visit family in Portugal and people say "You're fat!"

If you want to mention it, do it gently. Don't say that this person is fat, but invite someone for example with you to the gym, because it's a good gym and you want that.

What I also notice, many people who say it are also fat, ugly or weird. I won't mention that, please don't mention it either. Or do you feel good for saying that?

Btw, I'm proud of my body now (ahem, sounds weird saying it from myself) but I was a big boy before. Even 3 years ago, it was kinda bad. So I know how it feels.

If you eat too much and get fat, blame the parents for ignoring the eating habits and not doing anything when they see signs of fattening.

xle Member

12POSTS

13 years ago

very well said pedro 1986. cheers!

i'll be back in phil next week, can't wait to see manila! he he

expatfever Active member

51POSTS

13 years ago

Pedro1986 wrote:
Just in general, wherever in the world, DON'T say things like that. It's not necessary. As xle says, mostly people are gonna take is as a joke, but that's only on the outside. Nobody likes to be called fat. And in the Philippines, it's like the first thing people say. Very superficial people here.

Person A: "Hi, how are you?"
Person B: "Wow, you're fat, hahahaha."

Seriously? Do you think people don't know how they look like? Same in Portugal. My mom just gave birth to my brother. One month later, we visit family in Portugal and people say "You're fat!"

If you want to mention it, do it gently. Don't say that this person is fat, but invite someone for example with you to the gym, because it's a good gym and you want that.

What I also notice, many people who say it are also fat, ugly or weird. I won't mention that, please don't mention it either. Or do you feel good for saying that?

Btw, I'm proud of my body now (ahem, sounds weird saying it from myself) but I was a big boy before. Even 3 years ago, it was kinda bad. So I know how it feels.

If you eat too much and get fat, blame the parents for ignoring the eating habits and not doing anything when they see signs of fattening.

That's great you lost your weight Pedro keep it up. It seems they say it as a compliment sometimes, I believe. My wife says being fat in the PI means you have money usually. I noticed most politicians in the PI are fat as well.

聽聽I know what you are saying about not mentioning things to purposely hurt someone's feelings, however as someone's friend and telling someone they are overweight, when you have the answer of what they need to do, and have the information available to help them, they still get their feeling hurts. People's ego's seem to take over their brain, making them unable to acknowledge the truth. Don't you think? The truth hurts, that's why it's the truth.

聽聽 Cheers

expatfever Active member

51POSTS

13 years ago

xle wrote:
usually pinoys will take it as a joke and ignore it when someone tells them that they are fat especially if its coming from their friend. cheers!

Thanks Xle, I figured as much. I guess as Pedro said why bothering saying it at all if you don't have a solution to it.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽Cheers

snarkychick Active member

29POSTS

13 years ago

For some reason, people here LOVE to comment about your weight, you either gained weight or lost weight, and no one likes to hear that you gained weight, especially from a woman's point of view. BUT I would rather someone tell me the truth than lie to me, yes it'll hurt at first but that's what pushes you to start hitting the gym. most people here are non confrontational though. So expect a lot of drama when you do tell the truth.

expatfever Active member

51POSTS

13 years ago

Thanks for your honesty Snarky.

It only hurts if its true. I've realized this recently and have started makin vast and fast differences in my life. It's so powerful to be able to take a negative comment, and make it a positive one.

However I do love how people always got an excuse like they have something that's always gonna be there stopping them from improving.

I tried telling my aunt in the PI how to Improve her life there. She's 42 with 3 kids no job no money sleeps in one room that has all her beds, the bathroom, and the kitchen, in a 6'x10' room. I asked her why don't you sell snacks or start some kind of business or get a job cleaning houses anything. She just sits around the house watching tv and complaining about not having money. Lol. It no sweat off my back but man if people would just stop being so negative and do something

Pedro1986 Active member

30POSTS

13 years ago

#10

Hi Snarky, it's true that only truth hurts, but that doesn't mean it needs to be said. For some strong characters, it will be a reason to start working out. For others, it's a reason to be depressed and start eating. For example, someone overweighted saw on the scale that he or she just lost 3 pounds and is so proud about it. She feels good and goes take a walk, then meets someone and that person says, waauw, you're fat. Gone is the happiness and motivation.

Further, also true that it's better that someone says the truth instead of lies. But not saying that a fat person is fat isn't per se a lie.

Situation 1: you're walking in the street and meet someone you know. First thing that person says: "hi, wow you're fat *smile*.

Situation 2: you're walking in the street and meet someone you know. First thing that person asks: "hi, how are you? *smile* How are the children?"

Second one is not the truth saying teh other one is fat and it's not a lie. Perfect solution. :-)

expatfever Active member

51POSTS

13 years ago

#11

Honestly people's opinions control your ability to lose weight? If one is secure with oneself no one can hurt their feelings. On the other, one with low securities should improve their life until their insecurities are non-existing.

Pedro1986 Active member

30POSTS

13 years ago

#12

If people are not happy with how they look like, but they are not taking steps to improve themselves, they need to be helped. Invite them with you to the gym as a work out partner, let them taste healthy food which is good and not expensive and easy, but don't call them fat. That is no help, it only makes yourself feel better that you're not 'that fat.' It doesn't help them, and I hope it doesn't give a good feeling to the one saying it. Seriously, it's not helping.

On the other hand, inviting them to the gym and congratulating them for every pound lost will help. Saying after 1 or 2 weeks that you can start seeing the changes helps. It's all about motivation.

Calling someone fat doesn't motivate to loose weight, it motivates to hide away at home. And what's at home? Food and no space to work out.

Strong people won't mind being called fat and they may see it as a motivation, but in my view upon the world, 90% of the people isn't part of the 'strong' group. For them, it's more breaking down, rather than motivating.

snarkychick Active member

29POSTS

13 years ago

#13

I guess I've learned that no matter what, people will always have something to say, good or bad, we can't control that. We can however control how we feel and what we do about it. At the end of the day,only you can help yourself so do what makes you feel good about yourself, empower yourself, achieve things, overcome things and you'll realize that there's so much more to life than what other people think of you:) it looks to me though that you did a great job turning your life and you can make a huge difference by helping others achieve that as we'll Congratulations Pedro!!

expatfever Active member

51POSTS

13 years ago

#14

I agree completely. When you die only you can judge yourself (I hope the religious people reading this wont get made at that statement).

Anyways Pedro I agree with hurting ones feelings, however as you might know getting a fat friend to come to the gym is a difficult task. Especially the extra size people. I used to weight 100 lbs more then I weight today. I don't recommend the gym or exercise for everyone. In fact I think the reprocusions from jogging when your 100+ extra pounds is bad for your joints, bones, and muscles. I still have constant back pain even 1 1/2 years after dropping the fat. I personally wish I had a friend that could have shown me a better lifestyle of eating habits before I got as big as I did. I'm sure I was hard headed back then about losing weight. But I think if you can show someone how and why you care about them, anyone can be reasoned with.

Cheers

Pedro1986 Active member

30POSTS

13 years ago

#15

Thanks Snarkychick, I was lucky that by wonder, it happened automatically suddenly. But now, I have to make sure to keep it the way it is by not eating too much. I just need some more sports to keep it the way I want it. And I try to pull others into sports with me.

I successfully made my mom sports aware and she went from 70+ kg (I don't know in pounds ;-) ) to an average of 54 or 55 kg. Last year, I was able to get my wife into running. Aft a while, we even started going to the gym together and het stamina grew fast.

I'm happy that at least for some, I can be of help ;-)

Pedro1986 Active member

30POSTS

13 years ago

#16

To get a heavyweighted friend aware taht something should be done is in my eyes possible by making them feel taht you don't judge them, but you care for them (health and feeling). Show them an easy step up to a better life and don't make it a drastic change at once :-)

Anyways, I'll go on caring about those I love. I'm sure everyone has a reasong of why they do what.

Happy Easter to y'all

Jukeboxhero Member

13POSTS

9 years ago

#17

in general, people don't care about what you know until they know that you care. Among close friends there are always ways to approach a subject kindly and with tact. Before you think about saying anything to anybody about anything, ask yourself if it's really just something you want to say, or is it something they want to hear.

Christine ViP

42879POSTS

9 years ago

#18

Hi Jukeboxhero > just to inform you that this topic is inactive since 4 years ago.

dirk c Serial expat

264POSTS

9 years ago

#19

if it was me i wood not say "your fat",but wen given the oportunity and it conserns a person i care about i woold start a conversation about the medical risks of overweight and how i try to ceep fit to avoid these medical problems ,i think this is a non confrontational way to expres my wury .
been here over 2 yrs and lurned to be diplomatic about what i say and how i say it
greets Dirk

MaroBautista Serial expat

258POSTS

9 years ago

#20

I think that should not be the way it should be. Unhealthy body standards are widely promoted instead of promoting health and fitness benefits. It should be the other way around.