to stay or to go???

2POSTS

14 years ago

We are a family of 4, having moved from the UK 2 1/2 years ago. We live in a small town near Drammen, with one of us working in Oslo and one studying/working locally. Our two children are in primary school/nursery, and we have bought an old house that we are slowly doing up.
When we moved here we thought we'd give it two years to see how we felt, and then decide whether we stay full time. However, we still feel lukewarm about our experience here, and would love to hear other peoples experiences with getting over the homesickness/doubts! It's worth mentioning that I am actually Norwegian, but having lived in the UK for 14 years consider myself with a leg in each camp. My husband is British.

The hardest things for us are as follows:
- The priciness of pretty much everything, from food to clothing, to cars, etc. There never seems to be enough money for everything or anything extra. Have never lived on such a tight budget before!
- Lack of availability of goods (especially food), unless you earn megabucks
- Lack of a social life, as there isn't much of an international community where we live
- Missing friends and family in the UK
- Living with the at times narrow options of living that exists in most of Norway - if you don't love skiing, the freezing cold, eating hot dogs and basically doing the same as everybody else, you are a bit limited in company and choices
- The provisions in school for our children is quite poor, with little drive and competitiveness to urge them to excel.

on the other hand, we love being near to our Norwegian side of our family (counts for 90% of our social life!), the fact our youngest daughter has had an extra 2 years in nursery compared to the UK, which she has needed due to development delay (the support/provision for her in nursery and regarding healthcare has been excellent), we have become very close as a family, since we tend to spend so much time together just the 4 of us, the work/holiday balance is much kinder, and we have a huge house (but we can't afford to do much of the refurbishment it requires, as the prices here for getting labour is sky high). The children have learnt to ski and skate, which they really enjoy.

So we're sort of thinking now, do we stay here for the forseeable future, or do we start planning to go back to the life, friends and convenience we had in the UK?聽 Why are we as adults finding it so incredibly hard to fit in and feel settled and part of the community here? Is it normal to still feel so unsure after so long?

Any nuggets of wisdom from anyone in the same situation would be very welcome;0)

See also

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Going on a trip to Bergen or Stavanger - 5 Replies

ksc Member

24POSTS

14 years ago

hi im exactly the same and agree with all you're things mentioned.... (see my post Inland Norway ZZZZZZzzzzzz.....)

we're up in kongsberg i came here loving it now after 5months cant wait to escape high prices, poor quality of food, nothing to do - seriously! and having no money left over to do anything ever and im on a good wage and dont live extravgent life here at all.

for everyones sanity we're going. not sure where thou but not here

here is our town on a busy night, feels quite reflective for me!

forms Member

2POSTS

14 years ago

Thanks for your reply - we had a good chuckle reading it. After watching Graham Norton on TV!!!
If we could afford to move to Oslo (the parts we'd deem safe to live in) we would, which might help. But somehow a move back to England seems a much more attractive option. Maybe we'll sit out the worst of the recession and then start applying for work back in England - we're already looking into good schools and housing.
Meanwhile we're enjoying a glass of wine on a Sunday night, but lets hope the neighbours don't see it - seen as having a glass of wine in the week instead of bingeing at the weekend here is seen as a sin!

I hope you find a soluton to your situation too - it's not nice to keep wondering if it was all worth it continually!

Are your children in school? How do they find it?

ksc Member

24POSTS

14 years ago

yes kids are in school, there are 4 international schools in norway i think (oslo @80k nok per pupil per year, stavanger @80k nok per pupil per year, bergen @80k nok per pupil per year and kongsberg @25k nok per year), so here is where we can afford but the school is full so they are in the local school and as its in norsk they are falling behind...

where you get the wine, you must have bought it in sweden

dzekins Active member

27POSTS

14 years ago

i would suggest to stay, yeah the prices are high and social life can be hard to make but look whats betther for your kids, i personally think that norway is much betther country for your kids to grow up and safer than UK.

GuestPoster673 Guest

0POSTS

14 years ago

Reading your post I thought "I could have written that!". In very similar situation. Worked all over the world (Africa, UK, NZ etc) and came here from NZ because kids were getting to school age and it was deemed that we should "settle down" for the sake of the kids (I am unconvinced!).

Agree with everything you said too. We get through half a mill just to stand still. We live OK but watch every price, no frills this and that. A 16 year old motor and apart from the odd Ryanair trip to UK no international travel. No papers, CD's or latte's on the run etc.

Also feel isolated and often excluded (I am a Brit and deaf so find it almost impossible to learn new languages), I work part time in construction and am pretty much lumped in with the other 'immigrants' pay wise. I earned much more in the UK lol!

Married to a Norwegian, but again, after being away for so long even she finds a little hard going sometimes.

All in all though, I think it's work persevering as it definitely feels safer and more stable here. Not to mention the long term prospects for good schools and health care. Oh, and we are 2 mins from the beach (Hvalstrand) which is a ball.

Knut Contributor

161POSTS

14 years ago

forms wrote:
Thanks for your reply - we had a good chuckle reading it. After watching Graham Norton on TV!!!
If we could afford to move to Oslo (the parts we'd deem safe to live in) we would, which might help. But somehow a move back to England seems a much more attractive option. Maybe we'll sit out the worst of the recession and then start applying for work back in England - we're already looking into good schools and housing.
Meanwhile we're enjoying a glass of wine on a Sunday night, but lets hope the neighbours don't see it - seen as having a glass of wine in the week instead of bingeing at the weekend here is seen as a sin!

I hope you find a soluton to your situation too - it's not nice to keep wondering if it was all worth it continually!

Are your children in school? How do they find it?

Oslo unsafe and you spent 14 years in England? This made me chuckle! I spent 10 years in various parts of England..Oslo is safer than most villages I ever visited or places I lived. Reading the media here gives a very skewed image of Oslo..especially if you are used to the UK. I live in one of the 'ghettos' of Oslo, Mullah Krekar is practically my neighbour..there are 2 bars at either end of my street..only ever seen 1 hint at a scuffle which was broken up quickly..even on sunny days, it's quiet here. But I guess 2 years in distrcit Norway may also give a false impression of what the rest of the world looks like..

But having shifted around quite a bit, my advice is to follow your heart. No point in living somewhere you don't enjoy..and 2 years is a good pointer of that. I've only lived 1 place I didn't enjoy..lasted a year and left.

Also, there is an international school in Sandefjord, Skagerak International School.

sylas Member

23POSTS

14 years ago

Well, I know from my past that is an bad idea to come back where you come from...
I did in my past and every think will be different, you gona spend (lose) a lot of money for nothing
and you will not like it any more any way the people change with years...! I mean from my part.....
We can not change of life every day.....!

Knut Contributor

161POSTS

14 years ago

sylas wrote:
Well, I know from my past that is an bad idea to come back where you come from...
I did in my past and every think will be different, you gona spend (lose) a lot of money for nothing
and you will not like it any more any way the people change with years...! I mean from my part.....
We can not change of life every day.....!

I had no illusions when I moved back..not that I moved back to my home town though. Of course people and culture change over time..but so do individuals. Got no major issues having moved back, except the general suspicion norwegians have of anything not from norway..like my work experience and degree.

Tillukka Member

15POSTS

14 years ago

#10

Hi!

Great post! I agree with everything you have said and I think it sums up the pros and cons of Norway very well.

I am also an expat (from Ireland) and I've lived in Norway for just over a year now. I moved here to be with my boyfriend.

Some days are very difficult and I just want to go home, but then other days I feel so positive and so lucky to live in Norway.

I don't have kids yet but can understand that having them is going to be one of the biggest influencers in your decision making. Personally I see Norway as being a better place to raise kids (did you see on the news lately that Norway is the best country to be a mum in?). There seems to be a 'natural' approach to everything child related, and Norway fosters a very child-friendly environment. Also, if your kids grow up in Norway they'll learn English, Norwegian and also understand Swedish and Danish to a degree. That is a huge advantage.

I also find Norway to be a bit on the 'boring' side sometimes. All the shops are closed on a Sunday and close really early on a Saturday and unless you live right in the city there isn't really all that much to do. The flip-side of that as you have said is having a lot more time together, which I think is really worth something. Without all the external distractors there's time to be a family, so I think its more of a case of making the most of it where possible. Go on a family hike every weekend, or find some other fun activities. See if there's anything happening in the community.

I think its a bit funny that although Norway has one of the highest salaries in the world, most people can't afford to do as much than they can in other countries. This is something I've noticed too. I sometimes feel so disconnected from the world living out here in the country, and even though we're only 40 minutes from Oslo, the return train journey for 2 people is 360 kroner/50 euro, and like you, I don't consider Oslo very safe.

I think in the end only you can know what truly suits you. For me the pros of Norway definitely outweigh the cons and I think having less disposable income and more family time is really worth it...

Migrationdiary New member

6POSTS

14 years ago

#11

I've been back in Norway for 3 years now and to be honest - I'm not sure I would have kept my equanimity without the overseas holidays. Not sure how my South African husband does it - he can't even speak Norwegian. Leaving is not really an option for us as the kids are settled - one of our kids is diagnosed with Aspergers and he is doing really great here. I find safety in the familiarity聽 but can't say that I intend on staying here for the rest of my life - the world is too interesting for that and Spain beckons me. The friends and social life would be a strong pull for me. Making friend's in Norway is not as easy as in other part of the world. Btw - Asker will have an international school from 2013 - I believe the price will be between 15 000-25 000 pr annum. To answer your question聽 - yes, I think it is normal.

Let me know if you want to get together for coffee one day - we're not too far from you.

Caroline

Lostintranslationviking Member

17POSTS

13 years ago

#12

Oof that is a tricky one, I completely relate to many of the points raised here but am in an opposite dilemma- do I stay in the UK or move to Norway? Having lived and worked with Norwegians for the last 5 years and being together with my Norwegian partner I find the idea of moving here even more confusing. While I've met so many lovely people from Norway, as an employee in a Norwegian firm (UK based) I have came across a lot of discrimination and from experience I've learned to accept that if I want to stay in my current post I have to accept that Norwegians will always be prioritised over non Norwegians regardless of experience or competence (and that's despite being near fluent in the language) I am worried that I will have a limited friendship base, I'll no longer have the finances to enjoy life as I do at home, I'm not talking yachts- dinner a couple of times a month, trips out, the idea of getting fresh, healthy food is near to impossible outside the 'cities' and I genuinely thought a diet of pasta, cheap meat and 'processed meals' was finished the day I got my degree! It certainly is a lonely culture, I even miss the simple conversations and smiles that are normal when grocery shopping in the UK and there is no outdoor activity hiking/ skiing that can't be matched in the part of the UK I live. However I have also very positive experiences of being here (I'm not just talking about holidays- having spent months in the country) so not to paint a totally bleak picture and have met so many lovely people (my boyfriend included) but to stay or go? I initially was keen, but the more I investigate the more I worry about my decision to move and if I'll ever truly be accepted here, especially having read more ex-pat experiences. Hope everyone has a good weekend anyway!