What should I do?? T.T

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

Hi, all..I'm Wendy from Malaysia. I'm 26 years old, non-Muslim, studying PhD in a university in Malaysia.
My soulmate(boyfriend) is a Palestinian born and raised in Saudi Arabia, 23 years old, Muslim, studying degree in the same university with me. We love each other and we plan to have our future together, I will convert to Islam and he will stay with me wherever we go in the future.
Both our families know about us. My family used to be rejecting us, but now they seem ok with our relationship though never seen him in person yet. His family sometimes talks nicely to me on phone, as if friends.

We are both in a serious problem now.
This month he went home (Saudi) for sem break and two days ago, his dad forced him to agree to engage with his cousin whom he has not seen after they both grew up. His dad gave him only two options:
1) engage with her and his dad will send him back to Malaysia to complete his studies
2) reject the engagement and he will stuck in Saudi forever
If he chooses 1, we will get to see each other again, but perhaps not as couples anymore....
If he chooses 2, we will not be able to see each other for a long time, until we have money to fly to each other, and he might have to stop his studies here in Malaysia....

I don't understand why is his dad so mean to us? Is it because I'm not a Muslim yet? Or I'm older than him? Or I'm not a Saudian?

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?????

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ibi_ruh Member

1POSTS

10 years ago

don't understand why is his dad so mean to us? Is it because I'm not a Muslim yet? Or I'm older than him? Or I'm not a Saudian?

none of them are correct.
believe it or not, he is the reason .
he will not marry you.
just spend time with you while he is in Malaysia.
you still young and move on with your live

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

He wants to be with me, and he is still trying to find ways. We both have no money, and he has to depend on his father to get flight ticket and tuition fee to get back here...

hamudi ViP

1981POSTS

10 years ago

First off, your "soul mate" is a kid, he should have perhaps waited till he completed his education, established himself to bring up your proposal or the idea to get married with you.

This way you lovebirds wouldn't be in this situation.

If he goes for option 1, he will be destroying lives, not 1, not 2 but 3 of them.
If he goes for option 2, which he should in my opinion if he really loves you. This way, somehow someway he completes his education, gets a job and comes to marry you.

I hope the best for you.

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

Hamudi, thank you so much for your wise advice. I am really worried, sad, frustrated now, I don't really know what can I do. So does he. I suggested him to take the second advice too, in that way, he will have to sacrifice his studies here in Malaysia, and we all know that it might affect his future if he didn't even complete his degree studies. I really hope all the best for all of us, I don't want to hurt him, myself, our parents, his relatives.

Engr.Edneil New member

7POSTS

10 years ago

Hello Wendy. This is ridiculous. In both options, you will be a loser honestly:
Option 1: You can still see him in the university, you can be together, but HE IS ENGAGED.
Option 2: You won't totally see him.

I understand you, my friend. I've been in a relationship where we can't be together because of religion issues. Yeah I think you're right, you're not a Muslim and maybe his family is the traditional type who still practice arranged marriage. In this case I suggest YOU FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE. That's the best advice I can give you. Only you can answer that. If you really love him, and he really loves you... no tradition, no culture, no religion, no nationality issues can keep you away from each other. And oh... remember, TRUE LOVE WAITS. It takes time. Don't rush things out

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

yes,i am and i will always do.i can get many advices but afer all,i m the one who should maje the move,so does he.i really hope that we can get through all these, and be together until jannah.

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

The time is passing every second... I am really worried that he will be forced to engage with his cousin...What should I do now? Why is that so difficult for us to be simply together? Why are there so many obstacles trying to separate us? Why can't our love prove and solve all the problems? I can't imagine life without him....What should I do? What can I do?聽 :'(

tariqkhattak70 Serial expat

251POSTS

10 years ago

We have to be strong in our life聽 ,,聽 You both are no so mature & looking for Love only as part of life, complete your studies & if God wishes you both will be together again,, Cupples are made in Heaven if God has chosen him as your soulmate no one can do anything ,, Be strong in your life that's what only i can advise聽聽聽

Pink Butterfly143 New member

5POSTS

10 years ago

#10

hello wendy. When you are in love, you see only his love and your love but in reality, love isn't everything. We are not here to live and fulfill our own wishes but to live with the people around us especially our parents and families. Both of you should talk to them openly about your relationship and your love. Both families should talk coz it involve sensitive issues like Religion, culture and beliefs. If its not work talking to them then concentrate on your studies and pray that all will be well in God's perfect time.

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

#11

We have been trying....and still trying with our parents...I understand the fact that marriage involves 2 families and I'm ready for any changes I have to make. In fact,I've been learning n practising Islam more n more everyday,ever since I knew him..I believe in Allah, he will have his plan for us.I really hope that at the end of the days,we will still be together,until junnah. Now I hope that his family won't force him to do anything until we find our own way...inshaallah..... T.T

rareshine Serial expat

904POSTS

10 years ago

#12

Marry the cousin and you, khalas.

alpha.one Serial expat

270POSTS

10 years ago

#13

rareshine wrote:
Marry the cousin and you, khalas.

Hahaha.....yes perfect solution

alpha.one Serial expat

270POSTS

10 years ago

#14

On a serious note...do not be muslim only to marry him, but research yourself and then decide if you want to be muslim or not, based on the quraan and Islamic teachings..
Its a greater decision than marriage, so please take the decision after full consideration, not because you met some guy who was muslim.

As for the marriage, if his family doesn't agree then DO NOT marry him, it will not last nor will it bring happiness for both families.

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

#15

What have I done wrong to deserve all these?Just because I was not born as a muslim?Or because I am a Chinese?Why? Why?I wish someone could tell me why his family doesn't accept me this far....His dad used to pretend to be so nice and funny to both my bf's bro's gf & I in phone...I really liked his personality..Who knows he secretly arranged marriage for him...scary double-faced...and now his whole family,no one dares to say no to offend the dad.

tariqkhattak70 Serial expat

251POSTS

10 years ago

#16

Pink Butterfly143 wrote:
hello wendy. When you are in love, you see only his love and your love but in reality, love isn't everything. We are not here to live and fulfill our own wishes but to live with the people around us especially our parents and families. Both of you should talk to them openly about your relationship and your love. Both families should talk coz it involve sensitive issues like Religion, culture and beliefs. If its not work talking to them then concentrate on your studies and pray that all will be well in God's perfect time.

Fully agree with Pink Butterfly , Love is not everything but you will learn this little late , you both are still young & seeing everything is your Love but matter of fact its two families , culture , religion & honestly saying it will not be so easy for you mix with different family , culture & religion after marriage, Am I right PINKY聽

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

#17

First and foremost, I would like to convert to Islam, because of him, but for myself. I got to know Islam because of him but I would like to convert for my own good. I always like simple life, and I really think that Islam provides me a clear guideline of life to be a better girl everyday I grow with him. He completes my life. So does Islam. He is the one who teaches me many things about Islam, not just about love. He encourages me to be a better person, by doing all what I should do and avoid what I should not do. Thus, I can't live without either one. I might not be a perfect person in some people's eyes, but you can't judge me without even seeing me with your own eyes, get to know me.
Besides, I was born to be a "homebody", I truly feel that "family above all". I do hope that both our families will accept us one day, and I will not give up till they do. This is why I insisted him to try all the ways to go home to visit his families no matter how hard it is. Perhaps both families are traditional that they tend to follow what people used to do in their culture (Arabs get married with Arabs, Chinese get married with Chinese). Only dead fish follow the flow. As long as we have hope, there is life. When there is life, there are hopes. We have made it this far. I believe we can make it through whatever comes next.
Do pray for us that all will be well in God's perfect time. Inshaallah.

alpha.one Serial expat

270POSTS

10 years ago

#18

wendykam wrote:
First and foremost, I would like to convert to Islam, because of him, but for myself. I got to know Islam because of him but I would like to convert for my own good. I always like simple life, and I really think that Islam provides me a clear guideline of life to be a better girl everyday I grow with him. He completes my life. So does Islam. He is the one who teaches me many things about Islam, not just about love. He encourages me to be a better person, by doing all what I should do and avoid what I should not do. Thus, I can't live without either one. I might not be a perfect person in some people's eyes, but you can't judge me without even seeing me with your own eyes, get to know me.
Besides, I was born to be a "homebody", I truly feel that "family above all". I do hope that both our families will accept us one day, and I will not give up till they do. This is why I insisted him to try all the ways to go home to visit his families no matter how hard it is. Perhaps both families are traditional that they tend to follow what people used to do in their culture (Arabs get married with Arabs, Chinese get married with Chinese). Only dead fish follow the flow. As long as we have hope, there is life. When there is life, there are hopes. We have made it this far. I believe we can make it through whatever comes next.
Do pray for us that all will be well in God's perfect time. Inshaallah.

No one is judging you, people are giving their opinion because you asked them to advise you. You may or may not agree with them.

I merely suggested that you should treat these as two separate things:
1. Being a muslim or not
2. The person whom you think is your 'soulmate' whatever happens with him in future

Do not connect the two. Yes you met a muslim, and he made you think about islam. But if you truly want to think about islam, do it on your own, not because you have to be with him, or as a condition to marry a muslim. Do your research, read quraan, and then decide if you believe all the things from your heart, not because its a nice culture, do not rush into it.
(I am not judging, but giving my opinion)

Mariem88 Active member

99POSTS

10 years ago

#19

rareshine wrote:
Marry the cousin and you, khalas.

wendykam Active member

25POSTS

10 years ago

#20

I'm sorry if I made you misunderstood something here..I didn't mean that anyone here is judging me,but I was referring to his parents.Even them,maybe I shouldn't say 'judge' but I'm not sure how they 'look' at me,as they have never seen me in person.Hope you understand and try not be too sensitive on me.Thanks for your understanding..and wise advice,I have a lot to learn from you..

Popolocroix Serial expat

423POSTS

10 years ago

#21

hmmm....Wendy, since how long have you known him / been in relationship with him?
I think your relationship with him has all the ingredients of a pending disaster... Looking at the situation, your bf was there - only to study. And basically, he was raised in KSA...and i don't think, he'd be travelling anytime to Palestine, soon, or even in the future. He will stay in KSA only (he can never go against his family - for sure, if he does, life will just be miserable for you both in the end).
For muslims like him, it is jsut normal to be engaged and be married off to a relative - or arranged marriage. I might assume that even before going to Malaysia for studies, he is already engaged. Men are natural sweet talkers, and becomes an adventurer (both in love and journey) in a foreign land...If you keep your relationship with him despite of being engaged (meaning, you're just a past time, and sort of a tour guide for him only until he completes his studies)...even so, are you willing to be a second wife? all will be just a gamble. Do not lose too much of respect for yourself....or at that age...you'll be joining the huge statistics of unmarried women in the world.