Why are we lonely?

29POSTS

12 years ago

Can anyone tell me exactly why we are lonely when the streets are filled with people?
Is it that we are too shy speak to speak or is it the culture?
I see men stare at me all the time but says nothing and it pisses me off? I am a western woman so forgive me if I do not understand the culture as yet.
Another thing is when you meet someone here and connect why don't you keep that connection.....perhaps you are not really lonely but looking for a hook up...not judging just asking.
What do you need to feel comforted? A shopping buddy, genuine friendship or a lover?
Can we explore the aspect of our loneliness and what it would take to fill the void and what if we can make a pact to help each other by extrovert meeting introvert and see what happens.
These are just my thoughts as I realize there are so many lonely people including me. let's start with me....I like a good companion who wants nothing from me but an occasional dinner, a movie and sometimes chat..so why cant we meet genuine people?

3 members reacted to this post

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monella New member

8POSTS

12 years ago

i think that it is the void and hollowness of the materialistic life that we all聽 lead whether expats or not.a gathering for the purpose of addressing聽 the聽 non -materialistic things will be so great to fill the gaps.would not it be so聽 great to have a very freindly chat with someone about our feelings of alienation or just how each one spends聽 his day or how to overcome certain family issues .i think all of us need聽 a good informative chat

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

yes i agreed with u

Janie Bravo Active member

29POSTS

12 years ago

Thank you, you are right. I wonder why we cant just talk about the simple things lol.

Janie Bravo Active member

29POSTS

12 years ago

Thank you, you are right. I wonder why we cant just talk about the simple things lol.

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

you are welcome,because聽 u cant control different peoples thinking,wht they have in their mind

Jam_bo Active member

32POSTS

12 years ago

Janie Bravo wrote:
Thank you, you are right. I wonder why we cant just talk about the simple things lol.

...Because the "simple things" are just tooo easy..

...I think Humans have a natural tendency to over think/complicate things.聽 Most of us think we wont be accepted for who we really are...so..the materialism/superficiality/facades sometimes rise to the surface with many of us...as a defense mechanism..OR...because we think that is what is expected of US in whatever society we are in...
...but have no fear...the real ones are lurking around too :-) ...eventually kindred spirits connect...you just have to keep your eyes keen and your optimism on the up & up..

..in my humble opinion,,,

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

I had the same questions when I landed here.. Infact I was on a complete disadvantage cus I'm Indian plus I'm a male!

However, some startling discoveries:
1. Cultural differences - UAE is by far has the largest concentration of mixed cultures on an average of 200 different nationalities with their own set of cultural attributes.
2. Most people who land here are "first time out of home" cadre and its like a kid in a candy shop until maturity takes over.
3. Bird watchers - here is the tricky part and this fully from my observations of some friends I hang out with. They also fall in the above categories and they once made it so obvious that they were checking out some girl at an English pub that even I noticed, wouldn't take long of the others to also. Guess its their nibble foot stopping them from being turned down but cant help the instinct of seeing a good looking girl! BTW Im no angel, however, I learnt from observing other people when I heard the statement from one of my buddies "Indians stare".. Im sure you have heard this statement too.
4. Materialism - We live in the land of bling! there can be only bling and no human spirit wanting to mingle, like most Europeans or Americans do.
5. Work Place - work place ethics and culture matters a lot. We practically hang out with colleagues for over 10 hrs a day and this influences a lot through peer pressure - in both good and bad ways. Lets take an employer like Emirates Airways has so much diversity and a good work culture that their employees behave well both at work and outside.
6. Language - Having said all of the above, the under lying truth is that, we aren't in an English speaking country...
7. Time - some genuine people eventually succumb to the above contributors and live silently as part of the crowd that doesn't care.

Anyway, all the above did not deter me from making a bunch of good friends. It did take a while, but I guess patience matters. Open mindedness and sharp eye for detail is definite plus.

What we need to feel comforted? - Different people have different comfort zones. So finding someone with the same comfort zone as yourself will be a safer bet.

I could write more and put you all to sleep LOL.. however, looks like we seem to sail the same boat (a realllly big one!)

Cheers.

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

Janie Bravo Active member

29POSTS

12 years ago

#10

wow that is some deep stuff lol but i really enjoyed ur post because seriously we do over complicate things and wonder too much about what others think...thnx

syedkamran84 Active member

90POSTS

12 years ago

#11

Maybe bcoz We come in this World Alone and we will leave this world alone...

Janie Bravo Active member

29POSTS

12 years ago

#12

Let's call it faith that we miss that chance since it gave you the opportunity to find your mate. I am happy that you did and thnx maybe I will too lol. Thnx for your post and please keep posting.

Janie Bravo Active member

29POSTS

12 years ago

#13

maybe but I would still want to have someone to hold at least for those last few seconds of life. what do you think

syedkamran84 Active member

90POSTS

12 years ago

#14

Thks and All the best to you too. just don't try too hard.

Janie Bravo Active member

29POSTS

12 years ago

#15

Let's call it faith that we miss that chance since it gave you the opportunity to find your mate. I am happy that you did and thnx maybe I will too lol. Thnx for your post and please keep posting.

syedkamran84 Active member

90POSTS

12 years ago

#16

Yes Mayb

WashlerSA Member

3POSTS

12 years ago

#17

Interesting topic,聽 culture plays a big role in our loneliness and well smply things are different on this side of the world.

MayaB01 Member

1POSTS

12 years ago

#18

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#19

Dude. you have totally mistaken the concept. may be you are just new to this place and you may be feeling you are not at HOME.

Most of the people are friendly expect the taxi drivers. I hate them.

Why nobody wants to keep a contact here. now thats a serious question. If you are expecting a stranger to come to you, and specially in the streets and malls, thats not going to be work out. You are in a busy hostile environment. No body has time for others.

Instead if you in a place like parks, creek side or some public events. You can start talking with the person standing beside you very easily. Its like you are in a place where that other person likes. you feel like you are in home ground.聽 similar interest, similar topics, similar subjects. very easy to talk. so the stranger too.

Another problem you may be facing is that in Middle east ladies are given bit of EXTRA respect when you compare to western. so don't expect guys to come say hello to you specially in the hostile environment.

You can learn a lot from the kids. Here in dubai they find no trouble getting into a group and start playing football on the street! even they are ready to include "uncles" like me in their group. add a whatssap group and schedule the next weekend match. The point is you need to make the initiative.

babatunde1 New member

4POSTS

12 years ago

#20

I am trying to check from both side of view that has been said so far. There are sense-making points from both sides. But, i think it will be mind-settling if one meets the other at a park; like i was in al-nahda park, and i saw that it is a bit more relaxed atmosphere where someone can walk up to the other person easily, freely and get along. But, where i am in abu-dhabi, i have not seen any park.

I would like to ask this question, because i am somehow new in UAE. Is it an offence against the UAE-law, if a guy walks up to a lady on the street/public and start-up a discussion? Please, i need clarification on this from the experienced people.

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#21

babatunde1 wrote:
I am trying to check from both side of view that has been said so far. There are sense-making points from both sides. But, i think it will be mind-settling if one meets the other at a park; like i was in al-nahda park, and i saw that it is a bit more relaxed atmosphere where someone can walk up to the other person easily, freely and get along. But, where i am in abu-dhabi, I have not seen any park.

I would like to ask this question, because i am somehow new in UAE. Is it an offence against the UAE-law, if a guy walks up to a lady on the street/public and start-up a discussion? Please, i need clarification on this from the experienced people.

Talking is not an offence. But If they find it as offence, Then you are in trouble. You dont have voice there when you are in public. So piece of advice avoid flirting with strangers in the public places. Find a friendly place so you can expect like minded people.

babatunde1 New member

4POSTS

12 years ago

#22

cutesnifer wrote:
babatunde1 wrote:
I am trying to check from both side of view that has been said so far. There are sense-making points from both sides. But, i think it will be mind-settling if one meets the other at a park; like i was in al-nahda park, and i saw that it is a bit more relaxed atmosphere where someone can walk up to the other person easily, freely and get along. But, where i am in abu-dhabi, I have not seen any park.

I would like to ask this question, because i am somehow new in UAE. Is it an offence against the UAE-law, if a guy walks up to a lady on the street/public and start-up a discussion? Please, i need clarification on this from the experienced people.

Talking is not an offence. But If they find it as offence, Then you are in trouble. You dont have voice there when you are in public. So piece of advice avoid flirting with strangers in the public places. Find a friendly place so you can expect like minded people.

Ok. I see. Thanks cutesnifer. It is noted. But, mind you, no flirting intended. Then, i think a park is the best to meet people.

sevda11 Serial expat

206POSTS

12 years ago

#23

ahhh...I Love to be alone!!! I enjoy myself....

ame1117 Member

18POSTS

12 years ago

#24

Fellow Expats

聽聽聽聽聽 I have travelled globally and have lived in diverse countries like Saudi Arabia, USA, India,UK.

聽聽聽聽聽 Each country and culture has its own way of looking at things and I have seen USA and UK governments promote multiculturalism and appreciate diversity.

聽聽聽聽聽 I have seen people in UAE are mostly first time out of their home countries so have a fixed stereotype built in about people who are from a different culture.That is probably the biggest reason we don't see open interactions.

聽聽聽聽聽 ame

babatunde1 New member

4POSTS

12 years ago

#25

Ame1117, May be.

naeem 77 bah Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#26

sevda11 wrote:
ahhh...I Love to be alone!!! I enjoy myself....

Oh lol i can understand very much. Its all a halusination.
Just imagine a situation you get stuck in the middle of an accident. You will need some one, at least to buy you khubus and banana.

wmwdxb Member

3POSTS

9 years ago

#27

Hi Janie, I'm a bit late to replying but you have asked a good question. Im from California having lived in Dubai since 2008. For some odd reason i never feel lonely and I live solo in a 3 br apt. However, I do make it a point to speak to people every chance I get ie... elevators, on the beach, my apt pool and online chat apps.
If you are hankering to chat with a fellow countryman give me a holler, I'm always up for a movie, dinner or a drink.