Ever hired a Private Investigator to check on Moroccan love interest?

Member since 01 July 2022

ThatOneGirlMember01 July 2022 05:13:59

You know the deal, yes online... and to be honest the red flags started showing up pretty quickly- He asked me to be his girlfriend in like 5 days and told me he loved me in 10, I'm 12 years older etc. As did my rationalizations like "Well, I LOOK 10 years younger" "I fall in love really fast, couldn't someone else too?" "But we spend so much time talking every day!" And as a person who doesn't like to think the worst of people, "maybe somehow he is genuine, or started out trying to scam me but actually decided he likes me"聽

Sigh. I know.

And it's hard, because if I was just going on interacting with him, and didn't know about love bombing, and the unfortunate truth that this is a known problem in Morocco, I would never have reason to doubt him; he SEEMS so genuine.

I wondered if anyone has ever gone to the extreme lengths I think about going- hiring a private investigator to check your person out. If you did, what happened?

I really am trying to let it go, I swear I'm not a complete idiot, just human.聽 It would just make it much easier to do if I had some concrete proof things are not as he says they are.

Hope is a killer, death to hope lol

See also

Living in Morocco: the expat guide

marybell5403 New member

Member since 13 April 2022

marybell5403New member01 July 2022 08:44:41

I think in your heart you know the answer .聽 Do t waste your money hiring private investigators.聽 You are not trusting him.聽 Pull back slow down.聽 This is just a rush of highly charged emotions.聽 It is not healthy.聽 So just don鈥檛 worry so much.聽 If he is genuine then slow things down and forget all the hearts and flowers stuff.聽 Real relationships can develop but you need to just take your time.聽 If he鈥檚 not genuine he will disappear anyway.聽 Then your question will have been answered.聽 If he is genuine he will understand and act accordingly 馃挄

Rondainmarrakesch Active member

Member since 17 June 2022

RondainmarrakeschActive member01 July 2022 10:36:13

Hey you!

Well, there is always a risk to be scammed and sometimes it works out. There are beautiful relationships here in Morocco between foreigners and locals, for years, without lies and cheating, even though there is somehow a difference between their age.

Me in person I had 2-3 very very short relationships here before with douche bags and I always thought they are so honest and really love me, because they were always there. 2 were older than me, 1 a bit younger. The feeling of being used for granted, so that the guy and his family can live a better life, is just horrible. You never know why he is with you. Does he really loves you, or is it just for him to gain something. Money, materials, passport, whatever. I鈥檝e always left when I got a bad feeling in my stomach and it worked out. They had contacts to other women or wanted to go to Europe.

Now I鈥檓 married for almost 4 years, I鈥檓 also 8 years older, no problems at all. We earn the same amount of money each month, we share everything we have, he usually wants to pay for rent and everything and he puts me first and is very honest. There are no secrets between us. That exists, but is hard to find鈥� 馃槄

What鈥檚 important is, that the guy stands on his own feet, that he doesn鈥檛 need you to pay a cent for him or that he is even trying to make the best out of life, like working hard, study and whatever. You鈥檒l usually not find that by dating someone who works as a waiter, a driver, a receptionist or a night security in the tourism field. Their salary is way to low so that they always want to get out of that bad situation, without trying much by themselves. Most horrible stories you hear here are from people working in the tourism sector.

So if you see him not wanting a cent from you, not asking for any materials or a visa it鈥檚 fine. If you feel something is wrong, leave. Don鈥檛 wait until you鈥檙e totally emotional depending on him, that will be the worse. Don鈥檛 send any money, even though his grandma is in the worse condition鈥� 馃槄

And I would not hire someone to check him out. It鈥檚 actually illegal in Morocco to be a private investigator unless you work for the court or the Gouvernement. You鈥檒l just loose money and time and you鈥檒l never know if you will find out the truth at the end. I wouldn鈥檛 do that!

All the best to you and good luck, I hope you鈥檒l feel there good and bad signs in the correct moment. There is so much to loose, not only money, but also trust and mental health.

馃憢

touritox Contributor

Member since 25 April 2019

touritoxContributor01 July 2022 21:50:18

172

That's really interesting , let's start analysis the situation and see what's we going to find out about him .

You need to be patient and plus that to do like the smart women did to find out if this man is deceptive or not .

Liars always make a faults that led to show his attention , he is moroccan and it is different community than your so you need help .

Vet51 Member

Member since 15 December 2020

Vet51Member11 July 2022 07:26:46

I actually thought about this also when I started having misgivings about the Moroccan man I was seeing at the time. I even researched the options but it turned out to be a little too expensive for me to pursue.聽 Turns out I didn't really need to after all.聽 His true colours showed fairly early on even though I chose to ignore them at the time.

Rondain and Marybell make some great points.聽 Definitely slow down and get through the love bombing stage in one piece.聽 He should be able to stand on his own financially and you should not have to support him or provide a Visa opportunity etc.聽聽I got sucked in very quickly by a man who also spoke to me twice a day for hours after I returned to Australia.聽 It is very easy to be drawn in and the sweet bit is lovely but if you are not providing them with what they want it can also turn nasty very quickly.聽

On the flipside Moroccans are generally lovely people and he may be genuine.聽 But I would definitely slow down and wait.聽 Find out more about what he does, who he lives with etc BUT DO NOT send money or 'gifts'.聽 It is money, time and hope you will never get back.

Maria Valladarez Active member

Member since 22 June 2022

Maria ValladarezActive member16 July 2022 13:35:08

@ThatOneGirl I would try to plan a trip without letting him know and surprise him. To see what happens.

Abe123 Active member

Member since 28 March 2019

Abe123Active member18 July 2022 22:58:26

You know the deal, yes online... and to be honest the red flags started showing up pretty quickly- He asked me to be his girlfriend in like 5 days and told me he loved me in 10, I'm 12 years older etc. As did my rationalizations like "Well, I LOOK 10 years younger" "I fall in love really fast, couldn't someone else too?" "But we spend so much time talking every day!" And as a person who doesn't like to think the worst of people, "maybe somehow he is genuine, or started out trying to scam me but actually decided he likes me"聽
Sigh. I know.
And it's hard, because if I was just going on interacting with him, and didn't know about love bombing, and the unfortunate truth that this is a known problem in Morocco, I would never have reason to doubt him; he SEEMS so genuine.
I wondered if anyone has ever gone to the extreme lengths I think about going- hiring a private investigator to check your person out. If you did, what happened?
I really am trying to let it go, I swear I'm not a complete idiot, just human.聽 It would just make it much easier to do if I had some concrete proof things are not as he says they are.
Hope is a killer, death to hope lol
- @ThatOneGirl

Well, no, he is not a serial killer.

But it鈥檚 obvious he wants to treat you as a mule.

First, why don鈥檛 you set a higher standard (for yourself)? There are many well-educated and financially dependable Moroccan men. Doctors, lawyers, engineers and builders (entrepreneur), all graduated from reputable universities in France and Belgium. Some even from USA. But of course they don鈥檛 lurk around online looking for brides鈥︹€�

Second, can you just tell him that you want a rich husband? Or at least someone who has better cash flow than you?聽 Smart women do that, from Theodora to Madam Pompadour to Pamela Harriman. Being practical is never out of fashion. That would solve the problem, really quick.

Mickyd59 Member

Member since 01 December 2024

Mickyd59Member01 December 2024 07:27:11

How has your story developed? Regardless of all the hope and niceties people give to Moroccan love the majority are a sham.

Think about this from outside a bubble, I鈥檓 a Lumberjack who works in cold, wet conditions, hard labour and basic life. My ex went to Morocco and was love bombed by a guy who worked in a Riad, she constantly went back over to meet the guy 12 years younger. Everyone in our community knew there were red flags but she was determined to follow this fantasy. I moved on and met a local girl work loved me being a man who provides and respects (without the love bombing, flowers etc).

My ex discovered Mohamed was in 鈥渃ontact鈥� with 2 other women, one a divorcee, one a widow. She was distraught and tried to run back to me as a comfort blanket.

I offered sympathy and compassion but bridges had been left in ashes. She鈥檚 now a substance abuser in financial ruin.

This could be the ending to your story. Approach at a slow pace and caution

Mickyd59 Member

Member since 01 December 2024

Mickyd59Member01 December 2024 07:30:58

@Maria Valladarez

Great advice, the moment eyes connect the truth will be known. It鈥檚 either, the best surprise for him or oh crap how am I going to explain this to the other woman?

Bill Shepherd Active member

Member since 25 August 2024

Bill ShepherdActive member01 December 2024 17:33:10

#10

@ThatOneGirl

A private detective? In Morocco? LOL! So you want a private, non-state-aligned policeman, who is not a policeman?

Listen, and listen good: YOU will end up in prison on charges of subversion of the state if you try and find - let alone use - a 'private' detective in Morocco!聽