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Moon Dog my deepest condolences for your loss.

I too recently have gone through a loss. Skipping past the legalese which is profound, thankfully my stepson handled all of it.

In the hospital I had a Catholic Priest perform  my wife her last rights, he came back a second time after her death for prayers with the family in the hospital.

My stepson arranged for a Sunday mass attended by our friends, family and extended family. The friends, family and extended family came to our house for food and drinks (no alcohol) arranged by my stepson.

We chose cremation approximate $1200 USD including a beautiful engraved urn, and there was a viewing at the funeral parlor before cremation.

I'm not Catholic but I followed all the traditions, she meant so much to me. At the fortieth day another service was preformed at our house. My stepsons set up a shrine for their mother, the urn, her picture, a picture of Jesus Christ, flowers and candles. After ordering flower arrangements several times, I replaced them with artificial flowers. The candles have been lit 24/7 for four and a half months.

My wife & I had living wills drawn up in the states.

@Moon Dog

What's your issue, it's their tradition it doesn't bother them why should bother you

My wife Filipino has buried her mother and two brothers and never have I had an issue with their tradition, honestly  you need to get over yourself and support them

@Moon Dog

Sorry to hear about your loss (and your ordeal).  I didn't realize you were back in the Philippines, but it sounds like things have started off rather rocky.  I'm still trying to get used to a lot of the culture here as it can be a bit "different" than in the states.  I was just watching a video from an California expat (the large fellow with the bald head) who talked about what one can generally expect when they pass as a foreigner in the PI.  From the sounds of things, I need to prepare a bit more before I leave in a couple of weeks as it can get rather complicated - especially, if you are not married to a Filipina.  I hope to land in Davao on April 23 and make my way over to Mati.  The GF recently purchased 5 hectares of land north of Mati for farming, etc.  It's on forest land from the government, so no title, which I'm still trying to figure out.  Just some pesos swapping hands and a few signatures in front of the barangay captain.  Again, I'm still trying to understand a lot of the culture.

@mati_steve

We bought a cheap piece of beach front property with a similar deal. It was ours to use until the government needed it. Only paid P50K for it and Tatay lived there from 2007 to 2013. It was in the direct path of Yolanda. My brother in law continued to live there in the ruins and dry fish on the property until recently. I guess the government needed it back or they were just clearing the beach. It was still cheap, less than 100 bucks a year.

They loaded Tatay in the hearst van this morning. There was another odd thing I didn't see coming. We all had to squat in a row like we were playing leap frog and they carried the casket over us. I joined the procession to the church in my multicab but didn't attend the services. I don't like churches.

Last night wasn't as bad as I expected. The priest was long winded but he spoke in Visayan so I didn't have to listen. I put photos and videos of Tatay on a USB drive and the funeral people made a nice video that they played on the big screen. After the video it was open mic so I said a couple nice things about Tatay. I'm glad it's finally over but there is something else that happens in 40 days. More free food and drink for the barangay I suppose.

@Agg Coolabah

My issue is trash, cigarette butts, free loaders, undisiplined children and lack of sleep. It wasn't a solemn, respectful event for a well respected man, it was a series of drunken all nighters. If it happens again I'll just leave for 9 days, no problem. If you like it so much we could have the next one at your place.

I would really like to sell the property if I could get my wife to agree. I have about P10 million and a couple years of hard work in it. An engineer from the municipality told me yesterday I could get P40 million for it. That would by me a nice secluded mountain property.

@Enzyte Bob

I didn't know your wife had passed. My condolences. Sounds like you had a well managed service.

Moon Dog . . . To me it was to show the dignity and respect of the passing love one.

Forget how you feel about the behavior of those others, show Tatay the dignity and respect he deserves. Sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do.

My wife went to Catholic services when we lived in Las Vegas, I went with her so she wouldn't be alone, in the beginning I was bored out of my life and day dreamed the whole service. Afterwards I didn't attend but would pick her up after the service and then we went to yard sales.

@Enzyte Bob

I was very respectful for Tatay, we had a good relationship. I behaved appropriately and saved my grumblings for the forum. I mentioned that I took the mic and said what a good fellow Tatay was and how he will be missed. He was a good man.

My wife started attending a Filipino church when we lived in Houston, TX. I went along and had some good times. The young Filipinas liked to embrace the new comers. They often had pot luck so we had some good meals. At the end of the service they would ask if anyone needed a healing. Someone would complain about a cough or soar throat and the sore throat demons would be exorcised. One Sunday an older gentleman came in to have his stiff joints healed, and he really had some stiff joints, could hardly move. They did everything, it drug on for most of an hour, they even laid him at the altar which sounded really painful. On the way home my wife said she had never seen anything like that and has never attended church again until today for Tatay's funeral.

Tatay passed on March 27 and it's not over yet. A bunch of women come every afternoon about 3 pm. We hired Cousin Dexter to cook dinner for the group and boy can they eat. Dexter cooks up a big bait and there are no leftovers. It's pretty clear by now that most, if not all, are coming for the food. One of them is some sort of shaman and leads the group in a chant. Then they all waddle out the gate, all but one. There's a woman that never leaves. My wife said it will end on May 5, but I've been told that before. This is absolutely nuts. Nanay is very gullible and these people keep telling her she has to do this next thing forTatay’s sake.

Moon Dog said . . . . .Tatay passed on March 27 and it's not over yet. A bunch of women come every afternoon about 3 pm. We hired Cousin Dexter to cook dinner for the group and boy can they eat. Dexter cooks up a big bait and there are no leftovers. It's pretty clear by now that most, if not all, are coming for the food. One of them is some sort of shaman and leads the group in a chant. Then they all waddle out the gate, all but one. There's a woman that never leaves. My wife said it will end on May 5, but I've been told that before. This is absolutely nuts. Nanay is very gullible and these people keep telling her she has to do this next thing forTatay’s sake.

I don't know if it's a Catholic thing, a Filipino thing or a Filipino Catholic thing, but there is a ceremony held 40 days after the passing.

We had a household full of visitors from a Church on the 40th day for a ceremony. It was arranged by my stepson and food was provided. The food was nothing special, something I would not eat.

@Moon Dog

That's nuts, but during my limited time in the Philippines I shouldn't be too surprised.  We have 1-2 family events at our place in Mati every month and people come out of the woodwork to enjoy the food.  It usually lasts long enough that most people eat, load up their tupperware/bags with leftovers, and leave.  My GF laughs it off as something that just happens here.  Usually it's the same people, but I also see new faces and ask my GF who they are.  On one occasion she didn't even know who the person was, so it may have just been a local who zeroed -in on the smell of the food.

@Enzyte Bob

I still have that 40 day thing to look forward to. I have to leave this place.

@mati_steve

I know what you mean. We had those in Houston. One Filipina who goes by Sam would load up. I made a really good brisket and sliced it up nice. It was a big brisket so there was leftovers. Smoking brisket is time concuming to get it tinder. Sam loaded up every bit of it and took it home with her! A little while later we had another event at our house and Sam showed up with a spiral sliced ham. I'm thinking it's get even time. Sam took every bit of ham back home with her, said she needed it to make sandwiches. I like sandwiches too.

@Enzyte Bob

Update, just found out May 5th (tomorrow) is the final day! Hallelujah, it's been a long 40 days! I only have to feed the old fat cows 2 more times. I can invite the old woman that has been living here under the radar to go home tomorrow. I'm also free to drive up to the cemetary on top of the mountain to see how all that cement and tile I bought turned out.