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Date a Dominicana

dan523
#1
I've read several posts about this topic but finally I had the urge to traveled to Santo Domingo for 5 days last month. I did met a couple women online Dominicancupid and I felt no harm if meeting someone when traveling.

So anyway I'm 44 and the two are 23 and 32 so I just didn't feel the 23 was going to work even she is educated she just received her degree in dentistry so I only spent a dinner with her. The other one is more mature our age difference isn't as big. So we spent alot of time together going to dinner and walk in Zona Colonial. She invited me to go see her mom and her house on the 3rd day so she showed me everything. She was greeting me at the airport when I arrived and also went with me to the airport to say goodbye, she bought a little wristband as a gift for me. She seemed caring I always have dry lips she bought me a lip gloss. So this sounds good right she seem like a mature wife material.

On the potential red flags things, she asked for bus fare to see me even it's only 100 peso. And needed 900 peso to buy textbook for university. It was the 3rd day we been together it wasn't much I was fine but I read some of your posts and other places is it normal that women expect men to provide money when dating? I am not talking about paying for dinner and expense but to help them in every day life?

She also told me about her old cellphone and when she asked to go to stores, I was kind of naive thought she mean to pay with her money. I didn't buy it I told her I don't have enough to travel. She said it's okay she can wait another time.

So that was last month I spent in Santo Domingo, we've been talking and video chatting on whatsapp聽 daily. She never really brought up anything regarding money. Yesterday she got sick and on video she did look like she has a flu. She told me she spent her money on medicine and nebulizer (spell). But she needs 2 more nebulizers it costs 1800 peso. I didn't want to but told her if she really need the money I will send thru Western Union. But it was Xmas it is closed she said she can wait for Tuesday.

So I just become more curious I can be second guessing or paranoid for no reason but my head is thinking all these posts about women asking money, sometimes they don't do that at the beginning so they make you feel trapped after you know them for a while. Can this be in my situation? She's obvious not the type that ask me right off the bet.

I told her I want to see the book she bought using my money, she was offended and told me if I don't trust her don't buy her cellphone or send money. We argued a bit on whatsapp, she sent the picture of the book and now we are not talking today. I should probably take a break.

I just need to know a girl like her can be church going and genuine but is it true that they just want men to take care of them so in a way I am being too analytical?
See also
the tinker40
#2
No,聽 you are lucky to question this so early in the relationship. How many children does she have? Were there kids at her mothers? A woman her age, educated in a professional field should be courted by several Dominican mid to upper class men. Why isn't she?聽 How would she procure her text books if you didn't pay for them? how could she manage to attend class without you?聽 What work history does she have? The 30's is a bit late to start school. I would exercise extreme caution & exit this affair. Love can bloom in the desert, but in this case it sounds as if the rain is your money.聽 It is an old story written with the tears of broken hearts & empty wallets.聽 Bail out before the altitude gets too high.聽 I聽 wish you well, proceed with both eyes wide open.
dan523
#3
She has no kids she has not finished school she as another year left. The other one I mentioned the 23 year old was the one with a dentistry degree. This one is studying psychology. When we met lots of time she would bring her textbooks because I'm a math teacher and I would help tutoring her math class. I did see her psychology.

I know she started late she said she worked and made clothes in her 20s. Her family is not rich at all her mom's house in Haina does not have running water.

I am very cautious. I know the money is small but I do not want to be a sucker. So anyway to give an update, after we argued little bit she told me not to send money and forget it. I will wait and see if she ask again in the near future if its a pattern.
Nosnownyc
#4
[Post under review]
T
#5
It shows that you don't know what 'chapeadora' means.聽 She is 'chapeando' you.
Bob K
#6
OH here we go again.聽 My advice.... you had a good time now it is time to RUN and run like hell.聽 So far it has only cost you an extra hundred or two.聽 Consider that a cheap lesson on dating Dominican women you meet on line, or in a bar, or on the street.

Bob K
1 member reacted to this post
Astray
#7
I can offer the following facts as I know them to keep in mind when dating a Dominican:
In the DR, whether you are a foreigner or a Dominican man, out of 10 (real) women (not prostitutes), 5 will not want to work and expect their man to pay for everything. 3 will work but keep their money to themselves and expect their man to pay for everything, the remaining 2 will work, use their own money and not want anything from a man,,, these women have normally been used and abused by a man and are dangerously close to being the short haired man hater you may have seen in your country,,,
Despite all the ranting online, Dominican people, in general have a very good heart. Generally speaking, they are not the psychopathic, money grabbing scam artists that they are often portrayed.聽 聽(Again, this does not apply to the women you meet in the tourist areas). There was a recent story about a woman in Cotui that was online with a British man who came down to be with her. The locals thought it was awesome that he showed up without any money and were saying she got what she deserved for being a chapiadora. As it turned out the man had the mind of a child and eventually got put in the mental institution in SD. The point I see of this, is although she had to take a couple of loans to feed him, she cared for him for around 6 weeks before she just couldn't financially do it anymore. Yes, she was looking for someone to improve her life, but she wasnt heartless.
Having said that, women will lie to you, it is also part of the culture. I don't say this as anything bad. The majority are raised in a culture where everything is about appearances and they are taught to portray a level of perfection. (Hence the taking an hour getting dressed up to go get a box of milk at the store). Companies often fire people before the first 3 months because they don't have to pay the severance and look for a reason to do so, and many other reasons why they learn not to be forthcoming and "es no mi culpa" is the national anthem.
When dating someone from the University, if they are going to the University of Santo Domingo, it's free. She may have to pay for a hard copy book, but they have a HUGE library and an online library that has all the books she will need. So this was something more of a want than a had to have.
The ones to stay away from (Other than the ones in the tourist sector) are the ones that start and stop their classes consistently, if they never finish anything, they will never be serious about you.
That's my 2 cents, I hope it helps
2 members reacted to this post
planner
#8
My opinion as a woman with 14 years here.

If you want to meet a good Dominican woman - you need to live here. Good women here rarely post on OK cupid, they are not looking for a gringo.

The first is likely beyond your reach she wants a sugar daddy. The second is exactly what the previous poster's said.聽 Run from her!!!
1 member reacted to this post
planner
#9
On another point - dont have unprotected sex here. Don't allow them to provide the protection either. Bring your own condoms. Do t be trapped or infected here.
T
#10
Dan, so after all this good advice, do yo still think she will be the rare 'outlier'?
the tinker40
#11
astray, a valid & cogent post. Correct in every way. Hope that he takes it to mind & doesn't join the throngs of misguided souls who became prey. He raised good defensive points, however,聽 they stand on thin ice.聽 Tis a shame that reality impinges on fantasy.聽 Gypsy401 is alive & well, residing in Tinker40
1 member reacted to this post
dan523
#12
Thank you all for the good advice I am analytical person and once the vacation was over I spent time to think and try to be objective in this type of situation. I am cautious I don't want to do things to "test" her ( like tell her I lose my job and see if she still talks to me).

So after our little talk she told me she is okay I don't need to send her money. I'm not saying she won't try again I cannot tell if she's being genuine or she just decided to retreat for bigger price in the future.

She lives in Haina it's not near the tourist area, not a prosperous city either. I am still going to DR this summer for vacation again I like the place. There was an occasion she told me she would save money to apply a tourist visa to visit me, again will have to wait and see how serious she means or just playing the mind game.
Bob K
#13
Da Nile is not a river in Egypt.聽 Her chances of saving money for a visa is zero, her chances of getting a visa to leave the country to visit you is zero++++++++.聽 Save your money, buy a good pair of Nikes and be prepared to run, run, run.....

Bob K
1 member reacted to this post
planner
#14
I've the sneaker comment.

Honey move on now. The best it will ever be is the first 90 days, then people revert to normal behavior.

She will never save $ and never get a visa.

Move on. Red flags are all over this one. Save the headache and say next!
T
#15
Dan523, you are not being objective, but biased in favor of her.聽 Your are also profoundly naive, even to think she'd tell you the truth......about anything. They say what they think will suck you in, and she has been successful.
dan523
#16
I'm going to step away for a while and see what happen.
the tinker40
#17
More than a year ago there was a gentleman in a similar situation. Even after many posts & pleas to think & take his time, he continued the relationship. I ended up telling him to gently take his head out of his ass or he would be eating shit for the rest of his life.聽 So good sir, what does your future diet have in store for you?聽 聽 聽If you must, pay only for meals, drinks in low or at most medium priced places.聽 No gifts at all.聽 Have her cook for you, & never more speak of money.聽 Like raising a child or a dog, the first word to teach is NO !!!. Say聽 it & mean it.聽 Sleep with her sur e,but never pay for it or you will end up paying way too high a price. Look... listen... learn....
M
#18
I have dated a few Dominican woman.聽 I've had bad experience and positive experiences. Normally one knows right away in there gut what the Dominicans woman's interest is.聽 I have heard from the majority of them that Dominican man who the woman have experienced both as boyfriend and husband are not interested in working and are abusive to the woman. Generally the woman is the one who supports the household. I have noticed that I generally have never had problems dating or being with a Dominican woman who didn't ask for money or help. There are Dominican woman who are struggling very hard who get insulted when you offer them help, as they are supicious聽 of your motive and if you are equating her to the many prostitutes there that roam the streets.聽 I've never had a problem with one who was working and trying to support herself.聽 聽I have been with the same Dominican woman since 2007 and have never felt like I was being used. We have a great relationship.聽 I lived and worked in The US traveling back and fourth 4 times a year as I needed to work. I recently retired and will be moving there in February full time. Yes it's possible to find a good woman there. However if you sold purpose is to go to DR to find a woman than聽 you may not be successful. One should ask why they is doing such.聽 There are good woman and bad woman and same as for men every where in the world. I suggest looking closely as the reason to why you are looking outside your own country for a relationship.... Most of these kind of relationships fail as they happen very quickly and for the wrong reason. Ones gotta really know the person they are want to spend there life with. This doesn't happen in a few weeks or months and sometimes a few years. The culture differences itself take time to understand and work through. My advice don't hook up with one who isn't working and taking it slow....
planner
#19
overall well said!!!
the tinker40
#20
I agree with you. There are good women here, many of them.聽 They are rare & like diamonds, hard to find. Patience & luck play a good part of it. Impossible to become best friends in such a short period of time. Take your time to enjoys the fruits available here. Never pick one off the ground. I wish you the best results in you search.
dan523
#21
Thank you, she asked me not to send money now for medicine. I don't know if she'll ask for something else next week I will let you know.
Bob K
#22
mooseemerson
Nice post and many good points.

Bob K
Bob K
#23
Dan523 you are living in a dream world.聽 Time to start thinking with the big head and give the little one a "time out"

Bob K
planner
#24
By the way MOST Dominican men do work and support their families.聽 That is a line a lot of women here use to get themselves a gringo.

There is way too much abuse of women. It is somewhat cultural, part of the machismo. It crosses all aspects rich to poor, educated or not.
dan523
#25
Should I cut the ties completely as some advised? We talk online but no mention of money since the talk we had I figured there is no harm if I am not physically there until summer. I agree with tinker that if I say no at the beginning she would get the message and not taking advantage. I just need to figure out if it's a cultural thing like in US supposedly a gentlemen pay for dinner, etc. rather than a sugar daddy type of relationship.
When she bought a lipgloss and wristband for me was it her showing caring or setting me up for bigger price later?
planner
#26
Honey she is setting you up.聽 She has shown her true colors. I am really sorry but you should just move on.
the tinker40
#27
THE HARM in staying in touch is simple. It creates an investment in time & energy that builds a subconcious debt .聽 A debt that you must pay in order to justify the expenditure.聽 Ending it is not the hard part; the hard part is accepting the fact that you made a horrific, painful mistake.聽 聽Remember, there is no mistake unless you repeat it. Don't let this be a mistake, take your lumps & scram. Smile at yourself & be thankful that you have escaped a life long perdition.聽 You certainly are not alone in this quandry, hundreds, if not thousands, have traveled this road with you, take a detour sir. it will lead you to safety.聽 Listen to your gut, it is located just South of your heart.
M
#28
Dan, The fact that you are thinking about it and quetioning it so much indicates to me that you know the answer to all this. I suggest that you stop second guessing your self accept what you know and say good bye.
1 member reacted to this post
T
#29
Quite right, he is not objective, but biased in her favor, in spite of all our good advice.
the tinker40
#30
Fraid so.聽 May he rest in emotional, financial, poverty stricken peace.聽 聽Not the first and surely not the last.
Bob K
#31
Sort of like the lamb being lead to slaughter.聽 I wish him well

Bob K
the tinker40
#32
Nay, not a lamb, but a bull minus his bollocks!
M
#33
Or consumed and obsured in the deadly trap of lust that I assume the woman fishing聽 using her seductive lure I'd quite aware of...she knows well what type of fish she trying to hook. Don't let it be you Dan.
the tinker40
#34
Like a Lamprey Eel, once attached, never let go.
T
#35
I just had yet another one try for me this afternoon.聽 A
This babe that had been to my place twice, just cooking, when I asked her to come over tonight again said she was too tired. But she wasn't too tired to beg me for 3k to pay her rent.聽 When I said no problem I'll give her the 3k........Al amanecer'....in the morning, she was indignant.聽 She just expected me to fork over the money ...for nothing.聽 聽 She said a friend should help out another when they have a problem.聽 I said yeah my problem is that I need a girl today. But she wasn't concerned at all about my grave problem!
T
#36
Example 2. Last week I had a date, she doesn't show up, no message, excuse, nothing. Three days later she messages me begging for 1000!聽 聽I told her I'd love to help but I'd just given my last thousand pesos to the girl I took out that nite that she didn't show up.
Nosnownyc
#37
Never met a Dominican woman I could out negotiate , not one. We play for fun they play for keeps , said the spider to the fly.聽 Been there ! , feel for you.
I don't enjoy when anyone gives an attitude but I prefer the attitude rather than the obsession !!!!!!
the tinker40
#38
I expect to pay for services rendered, no render, no pay.聽 聽When rendered & paid there is no further commitment to further rendering or further paying. End of story.
1 member reacted to this post
Bob K
#39
Maybe we should move this to the board.聽 Lots of similar losers there to commiserate with.聽 :D:D:D:
Bob K
the tinker40
#40
Right on, if he hasn't learned anything, then it's time to get to other subjects.聽 聽 Put 200 pesos on cell, ... taxes took 47 pesos!! Plus the per minute charge has more than doubled in the last couple of years.聽 Holy Cow!!
Closed

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